Yes, now I am (sorta) quoting Shakespeare. I've decided I just can't hold back any longer. My love for the written English word must come out! Lucky you.
My weekend was good. I actually spent some time with BA. Yes, I know what you all are thinking. I'm not szchizo and do not require pharmaceuticals. BA is caring and sweet and thoughtful and fun. He is NOT MG. But he's fun to hang out with.
And speaking of MG, he and I had a very nice week last week. Besides our Wednesday lunch date we got to spend some very excellent QT hanging out and doing everyday stupid stuff. A luxury in our situation. Last Thursday I suggested while sitting in his office talking about a whole bunch of nothing, that we needed to do lunch the following Thursday. He rather liked that idea.
I didn't see him much last Friday because he played golf in the afternoon (SHOCKER!). Remember the days when I used to look forward to him playing golf? For those were the days we got some together time? Nowadays the rounds of golf, and so the opportunities for together time, are few and far between. Especially when he leaves town to play golf. Yes, those days are filled with lots of late-night, romantic, and occasionally sexy phone calls. But those phone calls lead to wanting LOTS MORE of that together time of which I speak.
Friday, he played golf until almost 5:00, and then I got a very nice phone call on his way home. I had my two littlest kids in the car, as well as Kelly's girls because she was out of town at a conference. But, I managed to keep everything fairly innocent and on the down-low. MG suggested that I need to structure a get-out-of-town weekend and possibly try racking up some bonus points with my BFF for kid-watching favors. Well, there's an idea...Kel are you listening?
I reminded him that, DUH!, I have built-in kid-free weekends when The Ex comes to town. And, double-DUH!, he was taking them Saturday night. He remembered, of course, because we talk about everything at length. Anyway, I assured him that I know Saturdays are virtually impossible for him. But that I really wished we had plans together. He agreed. And I suppose for that moment, it was good enough to hear him agree and say he wished we could do something. I just said to him that we should look forward to Thursday and our lunch date. So that is what we are doing. Looking very much forward to Thursday.
And bringing you to the point of my story...Should I plan for this lunch date? Or not?
Should I spend all of Wednesday evening scrubbing and polishing and organizing and laundering? Should I make sure I have a well-stocked fridge for lunch and a few special extras I know he likes? Should I get ready on Thursday morning and strategically select my lingerie?
OR -
Should I treat it as if it were any other day? You know, with unlaundered clothes and dishes in the sink. Possibly an un-made bed or two or three. A kitchen floor that was NOT just freshly-scrubbed. A couple of things out of place here and there.
Y'all KNOW I have real reason to ask this question! We have had too many dates fall through at the last minute. And by "too many," I really mean two. But anyway...each time we had a successful lunch date at my house, I was caught completely off-guard. Which means I did not plan very well in the cleaning department. Yes, one time I went home and power-cleaned before he came over. But last week he went with me in my car, so we arrived to the House of Mess at exactly the same time.
Actually, it wasn't really that bad. It's not like we had to walk through cobwebs and dodge dust bunnies. And all of my dishes were done. The bathrooms were clean. But for someone that is (dare I say) obsessive about cleanliness and organization, I'm sure it wasn't up to par. And because I super really care about what he thinks, I was mildly stressed.
So here's where I am with this... I actually have a little list compiled of all the things I would like to accomplish before he comes over. Yes, my name is Allie, and I am an Obsessive Compulsive List-Maker. My notes also include all of the things I will need to get in order to get that stuff done. In case you are worried, I was going to go out at lunch today to purchase some of these items, but MG went out instead to pick us up some lunch- so I have successfully delayed my mission by one day. Karma? Possibly.
I'm anxious to hear what you guys think about this. Realizing that most of you undoubtedly think I'm nuts, I am looking forward to hearing your comments about how crazy I am being.
I guess I just need confirmation.
17.10.07
My Day Just Got A Lot Better
Well...I successfully worked on MG and brought him out of his morning slump. We spent a little time together talking this morning. And I feel the need to say he is way cute, you guys.
And now I am registering way off the happiness scale because today we had a very awesome 2 1/2 hour lunch date! The kind of lunch date I didn't want to end. Ever.
It was so romantic. We spent quite a lot of time wrapped up in each other. For a good half hour we just stood there in a tight yet warm embrace. And I buried my head in him and enjoyed every second. We truly enjoyed just being together. Listening to each other's heartbeats. Taking a nap.
And oddly enough, we also got to do really everyday stuff. Like, um, take a shower. And get ready together. He took care of me today - as in the little manly-man come to the rescue kind of things. He said I need weather stripping on my front door, and he's going to get rid of some scratches on my car. Plus, he helped me get dressed, and fanned me as I was getting ready.
However, my favorite part was sleeping in his arms while he rubbed my back. That is the part I didn't ever want to end. And, sadly enough, that is also the part that I don't get to do very often. So while it was very awesome to get to enjoy that with him, it was also kinda sad. All I could think about was trying to hurry up and capture every last second of this before it had to end. Come to think of it, I think I spent a lot of that time holding my breath. It almost made me want to cry. Cry because 1) I love him very much, especially in those moments, and 2) This is a rare treat for me because we don't get to spend a lot of alone time together.
Now, that being said, I know this situation is not the best thing. There are a lot of potential problems. A lot of people could get hurt.
But there's just something about him. I still look at him and lose my breath. And even today when we were together, one of the first thoughts that went through my mind was, "Wow. I can't believe this is actually happening." Not to be graphic, but we've been together enough times that you would think I would stop thinking like that. But the thing is, I still remember the days of hoping and dreaming about it and never really thinking it was going to happen. Those are the thoughts that run through my mind when we first see each other. That is what I think about as he is holding me in his arms and kissing my forehead. I love that guy with all my heart.
And he just called me - he's getting me a salad (we forgot to eat lunch). So, see, he takes care of me, too. But anyway.
In conclusion, today my mother can do whatever she wants and The Ex can act however he likes. I rather much don't give a crap. I'm having a GREAT day!
And now I am registering way off the happiness scale because today we had a very awesome 2 1/2 hour lunch date! The kind of lunch date I didn't want to end. Ever.
It was so romantic. We spent quite a lot of time wrapped up in each other. For a good half hour we just stood there in a tight yet warm embrace. And I buried my head in him and enjoyed every second. We truly enjoyed just being together. Listening to each other's heartbeats. Taking a nap.
And oddly enough, we also got to do really everyday stuff. Like, um, take a shower. And get ready together. He took care of me today - as in the little manly-man come to the rescue kind of things. He said I need weather stripping on my front door, and he's going to get rid of some scratches on my car. Plus, he helped me get dressed, and fanned me as I was getting ready.
However, my favorite part was sleeping in his arms while he rubbed my back. That is the part I didn't ever want to end. And, sadly enough, that is also the part that I don't get to do very often. So while it was very awesome to get to enjoy that with him, it was also kinda sad. All I could think about was trying to hurry up and capture every last second of this before it had to end. Come to think of it, I think I spent a lot of that time holding my breath. It almost made me want to cry. Cry because 1) I love him very much, especially in those moments, and 2) This is a rare treat for me because we don't get to spend a lot of alone time together.
Now, that being said, I know this situation is not the best thing. There are a lot of potential problems. A lot of people could get hurt.
But there's just something about him. I still look at him and lose my breath. And even today when we were together, one of the first thoughts that went through my mind was, "Wow. I can't believe this is actually happening." Not to be graphic, but we've been together enough times that you would think I would stop thinking like that. But the thing is, I still remember the days of hoping and dreaming about it and never really thinking it was going to happen. Those are the thoughts that run through my mind when we first see each other. That is what I think about as he is holding me in his arms and kissing my forehead. I love that guy with all my heart.
And he just called me - he's getting me a salad (we forgot to eat lunch). So, see, he takes care of me, too. But anyway.
In conclusion, today my mother can do whatever she wants and The Ex can act however he likes. I rather much don't give a crap. I'm having a GREAT day!
I Hate My Mother, The Ex is Being Nice, and Other Notes...
OMG I hate my mother right now. We haven't had a confrontation for quite a while, so I should have seen this coming. I called her over the weekend, which was the first time I talked to her since August 17. She never calls. We talk if, and only if, I call her. So we hadn't talked in weeks. I called her up to see how they were and we talked for about an hour. More or less, I did all the talking.
And I also called to ask them if they could babysit for me the first two days of my Texas trip. She was obviously taken aback by that request. She didn't flat-out say no, but she hem-hawed around and said she would talk to my dad and call me back.
Now, I should have seen this coming. Anytime a grandmother doesn't jump at the chance to see her only grandchildren - the ones she's only seen for one day between Easter and now - you know you are in for a problem.
She called me back this morning just as I was getting the kids ready for school.
She is not coming. They do not want to watch the kids. The reason? Don't know. The only thing she said was that she hates to be away from home for very long. Two. F'ing. Days. So they're not coming. And I'm screwed.
The next thing I did was call The Ex, because he was scheduled to come get them for the last two days of my trip. I wanted to let him know that it wasn't going to work out. And he surprised the pants off me by saying, "Well. I knew she was going to do that to you. Let me see what I can work out and I'll call you back this morning."
Wow.
That's all I have to say.
He called me a little while ago. He thinks he can stretch his time away from work by a day to come get them on Wednesday. He needs to clear some stuff up with his boss, and possibly arrange to use the office space in our city while he's here. It's not a definite, but it's a step in the right direction. And it's my only other option at this point.
I was very nice to him, even when he made the occasional smart-ass comment. And he asked that I give him lots of credit for this one. Specifically, I need to acknowledge his greatness and be nice to him for two months. No shit. That's what he said.
So here's a BIG, HUGE SHOUT-OUT TO THE EX. HE ROCKS.
(Note: A full retraction will appear if this falls through.)
On another note, MG is crabby this morning, so I'm having a bang-up sorta day. I'm going to work on him a little and see if I can pull him out of it...
And nobody even mention to me that it's Hump Day. K?
And I also called to ask them if they could babysit for me the first two days of my Texas trip. She was obviously taken aback by that request. She didn't flat-out say no, but she hem-hawed around and said she would talk to my dad and call me back.
Now, I should have seen this coming. Anytime a grandmother doesn't jump at the chance to see her only grandchildren - the ones she's only seen for one day between Easter and now - you know you are in for a problem.
She called me back this morning just as I was getting the kids ready for school.
She is not coming. They do not want to watch the kids. The reason? Don't know. The only thing she said was that she hates to be away from home for very long. Two. F'ing. Days. So they're not coming. And I'm screwed.
The next thing I did was call The Ex, because he was scheduled to come get them for the last two days of my trip. I wanted to let him know that it wasn't going to work out. And he surprised the pants off me by saying, "Well. I knew she was going to do that to you. Let me see what I can work out and I'll call you back this morning."
Wow.
That's all I have to say.
He called me a little while ago. He thinks he can stretch his time away from work by a day to come get them on Wednesday. He needs to clear some stuff up with his boss, and possibly arrange to use the office space in our city while he's here. It's not a definite, but it's a step in the right direction. And it's my only other option at this point.
I was very nice to him, even when he made the occasional smart-ass comment. And he asked that I give him lots of credit for this one. Specifically, I need to acknowledge his greatness and be nice to him for two months. No shit. That's what he said.
So here's a BIG, HUGE SHOUT-OUT TO THE EX. HE ROCKS.
(Note: A full retraction will appear if this falls through.)
On another note, MG is crabby this morning, so I'm having a bang-up sorta day. I'm going to work on him a little and see if I can pull him out of it...
And nobody even mention to me that it's Hump Day. K?
16.10.07
The Secret to Going Home for Lunch
Pay close attention.
I have unlocked the secret to having a successful, well-planned lunch date. I uncovered it yesterday afternoon - by accident, of course.
First off, let me remind you of our last lunch date at my house. The one that actually happened. It was completely random and spontaneous. And because of this, my house looked like a complete disaster area. Stuff was everywhere. Beds were unmade. Dishes were not done. Stuff was everywhere. A mass of paperwork had accumulated on my kitchen island. Bathrooms needed to be cleaned. Stuff was everywhere. And, worse yet, my bra and panties did not match.
As soon as he called, I rushed home and matched up my undies. Then I completed a power hour of cleaning and organization. Which all worked out well in the end...but was damn inconvenient and tiring.
Now moving onto what happened yesterday. I started the day off with big plans. BIG. PLANS. Correction: BIG LUNCH PLANS. And guess who they were with? You guessed it! MG and I had decided early Sunday morning that we needed a Monday lunch date. As you know by now, we haven't gotten nearly enough alone time lately.
In anticipation of our big date, I cleaned my house from top to bottom all day on Sunday. I did laundry, yard work, washed and cleaned out the car, watered the flowers, scrubbed bathrooms, etc. I annihilated the kitchen and then would not allow anyone to cook and/or eat anything that involved grease, pots & pans, or, well, dishes.
By 9:00 p.m., I had used up all of my elbow grease and I was dirt tired. Remember, I was coming off of two days' worth of late-night phone calls with MG.
Monday morning I picked out some very nice matching underwear and strategically chose my outfit. All was going well.
In the morning we shared a couple of really sweet exchanges filled completely to the brim with flirty excitement.
Lunchtime approached.
And he invited me into his office for a second.
That's when he told me he had a basketball meeting scheduled for noon. The coach called at 11 a.m. and demanded a noon meeting. He even told her he had lunch plans, but it was pertinent. Anyway, we decided to sort of play it by ear to see how long the meeting was to last.
The first bad sign was that she didn't arrive until 12:15 p.m. Doesn't she know we have other, better things to do?! The second, and fatal, sign was that she was here to argue. And blabber on and on and on and on. She left at 1:40 p.m.
1:40. Geezus.
So we didn't have our lunch date. Unless you count me running out to pick us up some take-out. Not exactly what we had in mind. We finished the day with a sweet walk out to my car and a cute little talk. Then we went our separate ways.
Today has been kinda the same. We are just hanging out. Doing our thing. He ran out for a few minutes and picked us up some lunch. So much for our well-thought-out plan, huh?
At least I learned one important lesson this week: The secret to planning a successful lunch date is - DON'T PLAN ONE AT ALL.
That'll get ya every time.
I have unlocked the secret to having a successful, well-planned lunch date. I uncovered it yesterday afternoon - by accident, of course.
First off, let me remind you of our last lunch date at my house. The one that actually happened. It was completely random and spontaneous. And because of this, my house looked like a complete disaster area. Stuff was everywhere. Beds were unmade. Dishes were not done. Stuff was everywhere. A mass of paperwork had accumulated on my kitchen island. Bathrooms needed to be cleaned. Stuff was everywhere. And, worse yet, my bra and panties did not match.
As soon as he called, I rushed home and matched up my undies. Then I completed a power hour of cleaning and organization. Which all worked out well in the end...but was damn inconvenient and tiring.
Now moving onto what happened yesterday. I started the day off with big plans. BIG. PLANS. Correction: BIG LUNCH PLANS. And guess who they were with? You guessed it! MG and I had decided early Sunday morning that we needed a Monday lunch date. As you know by now, we haven't gotten nearly enough alone time lately.
In anticipation of our big date, I cleaned my house from top to bottom all day on Sunday. I did laundry, yard work, washed and cleaned out the car, watered the flowers, scrubbed bathrooms, etc. I annihilated the kitchen and then would not allow anyone to cook and/or eat anything that involved grease, pots & pans, or, well, dishes.
By 9:00 p.m., I had used up all of my elbow grease and I was dirt tired. Remember, I was coming off of two days' worth of late-night phone calls with MG.
Monday morning I picked out some very nice matching underwear and strategically chose my outfit. All was going well.
In the morning we shared a couple of really sweet exchanges filled completely to the brim with flirty excitement.
Lunchtime approached.
And he invited me into his office for a second.
That's when he told me he had a basketball meeting scheduled for noon. The coach called at 11 a.m. and demanded a noon meeting. He even told her he had lunch plans, but it was pertinent. Anyway, we decided to sort of play it by ear to see how long the meeting was to last.
The first bad sign was that she didn't arrive until 12:15 p.m. Doesn't she know we have other, better things to do?! The second, and fatal, sign was that she was here to argue. And blabber on and on and on and on. She left at 1:40 p.m.
1:40. Geezus.
So we didn't have our lunch date. Unless you count me running out to pick us up some take-out. Not exactly what we had in mind. We finished the day with a sweet walk out to my car and a cute little talk. Then we went our separate ways.
Today has been kinda the same. We are just hanging out. Doing our thing. He ran out for a few minutes and picked us up some lunch. So much for our well-thought-out plan, huh?
At least I learned one important lesson this week: The secret to planning a successful lunch date is - DON'T PLAN ONE AT ALL.
That'll get ya every time.
15.10.07
Sweet Dreams
Remember how I mentioned that MG and I had sort of reverted back our old ways? The days of flirting and exchanging quick glances. The phone calls for no reason. Showing up places you know the other is going to be. Creating time to spend together. Last week I could feel it building and building. Growing bigger than both of us. We spent a lot of time together and took everything back to the basics. And all of this without having any dates or, well, you know.
Mind you, I'm not AT ALL complaining. It was nice to kind of go back to the way this all started. It was sorta adolescent and quite romantic at the same time. Alas, it was also fairly frustrating - the not getting to spend any alone time together. But, it was okay in the end.
When he left on Wednesday, we were definitely in a good place. I felt very loved and cared for. As well as a little sad - because he was going out of town until Sunday night (can you say, "Golf Mistress Widow?").
He sent me an e-mail Thursday evening which I didn't get until Friday. It was a nice surprise and made a GREAT start to my day. Then he called. Which was even GREATER. Of course, he was out of town with three of his buddies on a guy's golf weekend, so he couldn't talk to me for a very long time. And it was more or less a kosher conversation. Flirty yet still innocent.
And then I got another surprise phone call at 1 a.m. He was out with the guys, but was just touching base. He told me what they were up to and how golf went that afternoon. Again, very flirty and innocent. (Not quite innocent enough, however, because this time, the guys totally asked him who he was talking to as soon as he hung up.) We talked for a little while, and he said he would call me later.
And at 2:30 a.m., he did. We had the BEST EVER hour-and-a-half long conversation. It was wonderful. We talked and talked - which is not new for us. We can, and often do, talk for hours. But this conversation was a little more intimate. In ways he doesn't usually talk to me. Which was GREAT! I loved it and have waited a very long time to have these conversations with him. The kind where you can just pour your hearts out and openly say what you think and feel. Which is exactly what we did. We actually would have talked longer except that his cell phone battery died. Nonetheless, I went to sleep and had some very sweet dreams.
Saturday I went to the OSU football game. Too fun. Got up at 4:30 a.m. (so, not long after I hung up with MG!) to get ready because we had to be on the road by 6:45 a.m. We had the best time - great football weather, some beer, tailgaiting, food, etc. I got back into town at about 7:30 p.m. And just as I was finishing my last drop off, MG called.
So you know my day couldn't get any better than that! We talked for a while and caught up on our day a little bit. We talked college football, and I impressed him by routing against LSU and being happy that Penn St. beat Wisconsin. He asked if he could call me later, and I, of course, said to call me anytime he wanted to. Duh.
So he called at 1:15 a.m. And we talked for a little over two hours. That conversation was SUPER FABULOUS! Filled with lots of emotion and planning and lovey things. We talked about how much we missed each other and how we wished we were together at that very moment.
And we talked about Texas. We nearly drove ourselves nuts over how much fun that is going to be. I can't even write about it right now - because the anticipation is killing me. And seeing as how I'm fairly superstitious, I don't want to jinx it.
All I can say is that I want to do all kinds of normal things together. And spend loads and loads of QT with him. Doing whatever we want, whenever we want. Plus, I want to do the other stuff that I'm sure you know is on the agenda. I can't wait to order breakfast in bed and read the paper while drinking lattes. I want to go to bed every night wrapped in his arms. And wake up next to him in the morning - only to know that he will be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.
But going back to our Saturday night phone call, I just must say that I don't think I've ever had a better telephone conversation. Or felt more cared about. Or so excited. Anyway, we ended the call shortly before 4 a.m. because we were getting tired and he had to be on the golf course at 7:30 a.m. He said to call him if I couldn't sleep. I told him to have sweet dreams. He laughed and then he said, "Hey... I miss you."
And my heart melted.
Yes, I see some very sweet dreams in my future...
Mind you, I'm not AT ALL complaining. It was nice to kind of go back to the way this all started. It was sorta adolescent and quite romantic at the same time. Alas, it was also fairly frustrating - the not getting to spend any alone time together. But, it was okay in the end.
When he left on Wednesday, we were definitely in a good place. I felt very loved and cared for. As well as a little sad - because he was going out of town until Sunday night (can you say, "Golf Mistress Widow?").
He sent me an e-mail Thursday evening which I didn't get until Friday. It was a nice surprise and made a GREAT start to my day. Then he called. Which was even GREATER. Of course, he was out of town with three of his buddies on a guy's golf weekend, so he couldn't talk to me for a very long time. And it was more or less a kosher conversation. Flirty yet still innocent.
And then I got another surprise phone call at 1 a.m. He was out with the guys, but was just touching base. He told me what they were up to and how golf went that afternoon. Again, very flirty and innocent. (Not quite innocent enough, however, because this time, the guys totally asked him who he was talking to as soon as he hung up.) We talked for a little while, and he said he would call me later.
And at 2:30 a.m., he did. We had the BEST EVER hour-and-a-half long conversation. It was wonderful. We talked and talked - which is not new for us. We can, and often do, talk for hours. But this conversation was a little more intimate. In ways he doesn't usually talk to me. Which was GREAT! I loved it and have waited a very long time to have these conversations with him. The kind where you can just pour your hearts out and openly say what you think and feel. Which is exactly what we did. We actually would have talked longer except that his cell phone battery died. Nonetheless, I went to sleep and had some very sweet dreams.
Saturday I went to the OSU football game. Too fun. Got up at 4:30 a.m. (so, not long after I hung up with MG!) to get ready because we had to be on the road by 6:45 a.m. We had the best time - great football weather, some beer, tailgaiting, food, etc. I got back into town at about 7:30 p.m. And just as I was finishing my last drop off, MG called.
So you know my day couldn't get any better than that! We talked for a while and caught up on our day a little bit. We talked college football, and I impressed him by routing against LSU and being happy that Penn St. beat Wisconsin. He asked if he could call me later, and I, of course, said to call me anytime he wanted to. Duh.
So he called at 1:15 a.m. And we talked for a little over two hours. That conversation was SUPER FABULOUS! Filled with lots of emotion and planning and lovey things. We talked about how much we missed each other and how we wished we were together at that very moment.
And we talked about Texas. We nearly drove ourselves nuts over how much fun that is going to be. I can't even write about it right now - because the anticipation is killing me. And seeing as how I'm fairly superstitious, I don't want to jinx it.
All I can say is that I want to do all kinds of normal things together. And spend loads and loads of QT with him. Doing whatever we want, whenever we want. Plus, I want to do the other stuff that I'm sure you know is on the agenda. I can't wait to order breakfast in bed and read the paper while drinking lattes. I want to go to bed every night wrapped in his arms. And wake up next to him in the morning - only to know that he will be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.
But going back to our Saturday night phone call, I just must say that I don't think I've ever had a better telephone conversation. Or felt more cared about. Or so excited. Anyway, we ended the call shortly before 4 a.m. because we were getting tired and he had to be on the golf course at 7:30 a.m. He said to call him if I couldn't sleep. I told him to have sweet dreams. He laughed and then he said, "Hey... I miss you."
And my heart melted.
Yes, I see some very sweet dreams in my future...
10.10.07
Half-Assed Attempt at Writing
I'm not sure I have anything to write about today. Nothing more than a whole lotta the typical run-of-the-mill everyday stuff going on. No big whoop. In fact, I am entirely convinced that if I were to write about my life today, you would all be bored to tears. TEARS, people!
However, it was brought to my attention that pulling up the blog and having to read the same ole, outdated, posts is very upsetting. A real downer. Yesterday's news.
It was suggested to me that my life and all of the pieces and parts that comprise it, changes, oh, about every hour. This is an upsetting notion. Nonetheless, I suppose it's true. And so I am setting forth, in a display of true team spirit, on a journey to provide you with my best attempt at literary greatness. This is what's new and exciting in my life this week...
First off, I had a TOTALLY AWESOME kid-free weekend, thank you for asking. It was really, really fun. MG-less, but fun. I even did some home improvement and assembled machinery. Seriously.
I left late Sunday afternoon to head back to South Bend to get the kids. I popped in the very cool Police CD that MG gave me (yes, you read that correctly), turned up the volume, and did highway karaoke all the way there. The Ex called me three times to nag me, er, I mean to find out where I was in relation to the exit. He beat me there by 20 minutes because his math skills and timing are incredibly bad. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw three very cute mini-people and one crabby, highly-pissed off, annoyed adult. Guess who that was.
After enduring my lecture on being late (FYI - I wasn't late - I was on time. He was early.), I received a very nice shower of kisses from my middle child. You know, the one that melts my little heart (don't tell the others.). Then my daughter started crying. I was worried that she was going to cry because she didn't want to go home with me. But, alas, she was crying because her stomach hurt. Really, really bad. So I bent down to give her a hug and pat her tummy. And that's when she barfed all over the place. It was gnarly.
I cleaned her up and wiped her tears. Then I thanked her father for feeding her TWO CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES for lunch and packed everybody into the car. Everyone was fine once we started going. Except that they were all afraid the littlest one was going to erupt again. She didn't. And we all made it home safely.
This week has been absolutely great! I have spent a few hours engaged in the really awesome, everyday, seriously flirty conversation with MG. All the while taking in and absorbing his physical gorgeous-ness. Unfortunately, we did not have any dates this week. Basketball has officially gotten in the way of our time together. I have become a basketball-widow, um, basketball-mistress-widow. Or something. Whatever.
And while we're on this subject, I feel it worth mentioning that, for some reason, we have reverted to our old ways. The flirting and stolen glances. Calls for no reason. Long conversations, dragging on and on to keep the other person in there. This has been going on ever since our "spat" last week. I'm not exactly sayin' I think this is a bad thing...I'm just stating that I think it is weird. And in my free time (HA!) I have been evaluating how I am contributing to this. Because I think it only fair to assign myself half the blame. I have gone back to my old ways, too. Such is the way it goes when you put two big, giant cowards together and try to have them conduct a normal relationship. (Did I just say "normal"? PLEASE do not email me your comments on that...I get it.)
ANYWAY. Other than that stuff, the only other major event that happened to me this week is my almost divorce from my BFF Kelly. We had a major disagreement/misunderstanding/hurtful exchange on Tuesday. And being as both of us are stubborn, jump to conclusions, and hold the occasional grudge, things got ugly quite quickly.
I almost had myself a nice little bleeding ulcer worked up yesterday when we finally decided we were being very, very silly. It's not her fault. I said some really very DUMBASS things in a situation where I couldn't openly discuss what I was trying to say. And a colossal misunderstanding ensued. So we talked about it yesterday and cleared the air. All is good.
BA is still BA. We haven't talked about MG anymore. Except that he will bring it up on occasion, just to reiterate that he is NOT dwelling on it. And not pressuring me. I will give him credit - he's really not pressuring me. And thank God he has backed off on the lecturing. It was really starting to give me brain damage.
His new tactic is to sway me in his direction by casually mentioning marriage and pregnancy. What?! Is he kidding me with that?! Please take my word for it that THAT NEVER WORKS. Well, actually it does work sometimes. But so NOT in this situation. If you have to say those things to try and hook someone, you are barking up the wrong tree. And I would like to officially state for the record that the idea of marriage makes me shake, sweat and puke. I don't want to even think about that with anyone right now.
Well...
SHUT UP.
However, it was brought to my attention that pulling up the blog and having to read the same ole, outdated, posts is very upsetting. A real downer. Yesterday's news.
It was suggested to me that my life and all of the pieces and parts that comprise it, changes, oh, about every hour. This is an upsetting notion. Nonetheless, I suppose it's true. And so I am setting forth, in a display of true team spirit, on a journey to provide you with my best attempt at literary greatness. This is what's new and exciting in my life this week...
First off, I had a TOTALLY AWESOME kid-free weekend, thank you for asking. It was really, really fun. MG-less, but fun. I even did some home improvement and assembled machinery. Seriously.
I left late Sunday afternoon to head back to South Bend to get the kids. I popped in the very cool Police CD that MG gave me (yes, you read that correctly), turned up the volume, and did highway karaoke all the way there. The Ex called me three times to nag me, er, I mean to find out where I was in relation to the exit. He beat me there by 20 minutes because his math skills and timing are incredibly bad. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw three very cute mini-people and one crabby, highly-pissed off, annoyed adult. Guess who that was.
After enduring my lecture on being late (FYI - I wasn't late - I was on time. He was early.), I received a very nice shower of kisses from my middle child. You know, the one that melts my little heart (don't tell the others.). Then my daughter started crying. I was worried that she was going to cry because she didn't want to go home with me. But, alas, she was crying because her stomach hurt. Really, really bad. So I bent down to give her a hug and pat her tummy. And that's when she barfed all over the place. It was gnarly.
I cleaned her up and wiped her tears. Then I thanked her father for feeding her TWO CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES for lunch and packed everybody into the car. Everyone was fine once we started going. Except that they were all afraid the littlest one was going to erupt again. She didn't. And we all made it home safely.
This week has been absolutely great! I have spent a few hours engaged in the really awesome, everyday, seriously flirty conversation with MG. All the while taking in and absorbing his physical gorgeous-ness. Unfortunately, we did not have any dates this week. Basketball has officially gotten in the way of our time together. I have become a basketball-widow, um, basketball-mistress-widow. Or something. Whatever.
And while we're on this subject, I feel it worth mentioning that, for some reason, we have reverted to our old ways. The flirting and stolen glances. Calls for no reason. Long conversations, dragging on and on to keep the other person in there. This has been going on ever since our "spat" last week. I'm not exactly sayin' I think this is a bad thing...I'm just stating that I think it is weird. And in my free time (HA!) I have been evaluating how I am contributing to this. Because I think it only fair to assign myself half the blame. I have gone back to my old ways, too. Such is the way it goes when you put two big, giant cowards together and try to have them conduct a normal relationship. (Did I just say "normal"? PLEASE do not email me your comments on that...I get it.)
ANYWAY. Other than that stuff, the only other major event that happened to me this week is my almost divorce from my BFF Kelly. We had a major disagreement/misunderstanding/hurtful exchange on Tuesday. And being as both of us are stubborn, jump to conclusions, and hold the occasional grudge, things got ugly quite quickly.
I almost had myself a nice little bleeding ulcer worked up yesterday when we finally decided we were being very, very silly. It's not her fault. I said some really very DUMBASS things in a situation where I couldn't openly discuss what I was trying to say. And a colossal misunderstanding ensued. So we talked about it yesterday and cleared the air. All is good.
BA is still BA. We haven't talked about MG anymore. Except that he will bring it up on occasion, just to reiterate that he is NOT dwelling on it. And not pressuring me. I will give him credit - he's really not pressuring me. And thank God he has backed off on the lecturing. It was really starting to give me brain damage.
His new tactic is to sway me in his direction by casually mentioning marriage and pregnancy. What?! Is he kidding me with that?! Please take my word for it that THAT NEVER WORKS. Well, actually it does work sometimes. But so NOT in this situation. If you have to say those things to try and hook someone, you are barking up the wrong tree. And I would like to officially state for the record that the idea of marriage makes me shake, sweat and puke. I don't want to even think about that with anyone right now.
Well...
SHUT UP.
5.10.07
On the Road Again
Today I get to look forward to driving my ass off. I get the pleasure of driving to South Bend, Indiana and back again. And, as if that weren't thrilling enough, I get to the same thing all over again on Sunday!
Oh, wait! I also get to DROP OFF MY KIDS AND SPEND AN ENTIRE WEEKEND DOING WHATEVER I WANT! YIPPEE-KAY-AY!
Actually, before we get too excited here, I don't get to do exactly whatever I want. MG will be out of town. THAT ranks way up there on the suck factor.
Anyway, I will not let that ruin my fun. Aside from mowing the grass and doing pesky little chores like laundry and vacuuming, I plan to throw caution to the wind and enjoy a totally selfish, over-indulging, pajama-wearing good time.
Can you tell how excited I am about this? It's mainly because I need a teeny-tiny break from this single mom thing. Wow - is that hard! There have been many nights when I seriously want to put them all to bed as soon as they step off the school bus. Alas, they remain opposed to this idea and their stubborn little souls are winning this battle. In fact, sometimes I think they are also winning the war.
I'm quite tired of using the threat of capital punishment as a means to make the 12-year-old complete his homework. Well, he claims that the real problem is that somehow, someway, his homework papers, even though they have brilliantly and timely completed, get lost in between study hall and the classroom. This, despite the $223 I spent on folders, binders, reinforcements, notebooks, etc.
I'm fed up with Sumo-wrestling my four-year-old daughter into her clothes every morning, only to find her, three minutes later, buck-naked, standing in my bathroom, glaring at me and professing her profound distaste for my choice of girls fashion...Pop-Tarts, candy, or cookies in-hand.
Not thrilled about the weekly spelling test practice sessions with my first-grader. Those usually end up with both of us in tears. Smarty-pants-in-training, and BOY that he is, sometimes he likes to tell me the wrong answer, just to kid around. You know, because obviously it's HILARIOUS when mommy has an aneurysm.
All of these are very, very bad signs. And possibly precursors to a nervous breakdown. So - the Mom is very much looking forward to this mini-vacation! The kids - well, who cares?! Their stuff is packed and they are set to enjoy a multiple-hour car ride en route to their weekend destination.
Their dad will get to enjoy them for a couple of days. He should have NO complaints. He will not be responsible for their homework during that time. He will not have to launder their clothes. He will not have to play chaffeur.
He will, or at least I think he's planning on, give them baths. Make sure they brush their teeth. Feed them food that is not comprised totally of fat and/or sugar. Make them go to bed at night. Resolve sibling disputes. Walk with them through stores and places of other retail enjoyment, all the while refusing their demands to purchase video games, gum, Spider-Man goo, Barbies, silly string, pixy sticks, etc. Actually, this part would be quite FUNNY to watch!
But anyway, I must not worry about that. So far I've had a wonderful start to the weekend. MG and I had a beautiful morning. And, again, I wanted to wrap him up and take him with me. We are back on-track and everything is good. Yesterday was even better...we spent a few hours just hanging out and doing everyday stuff. And lots of talking. Tons of flirting. Lunch. Ahhhhh. My love for him runneth over.
So I will enjoy the next couple of days doing whatever tickles my fancy. I will look forward to seeing MG on Monday. And I will look forward to picking up three smiling faces in South Bend on Sunday. Maybe I'll have some silly string and pixy sticks waiting for them at home...
Oh, wait! I also get to DROP OFF MY KIDS AND SPEND AN ENTIRE WEEKEND DOING WHATEVER I WANT! YIPPEE-KAY-AY!
Actually, before we get too excited here, I don't get to do exactly whatever I want. MG will be out of town. THAT ranks way up there on the suck factor.
Anyway, I will not let that ruin my fun. Aside from mowing the grass and doing pesky little chores like laundry and vacuuming, I plan to throw caution to the wind and enjoy a totally selfish, over-indulging, pajama-wearing good time.
Can you tell how excited I am about this? It's mainly because I need a teeny-tiny break from this single mom thing. Wow - is that hard! There have been many nights when I seriously want to put them all to bed as soon as they step off the school bus. Alas, they remain opposed to this idea and their stubborn little souls are winning this battle. In fact, sometimes I think they are also winning the war.
I'm quite tired of using the threat of capital punishment as a means to make the 12-year-old complete his homework. Well, he claims that the real problem is that somehow, someway, his homework papers, even though they have brilliantly and timely completed, get lost in between study hall and the classroom. This, despite the $223 I spent on folders, binders, reinforcements, notebooks, etc.
I'm fed up with Sumo-wrestling my four-year-old daughter into her clothes every morning, only to find her, three minutes later, buck-naked, standing in my bathroom, glaring at me and professing her profound distaste for my choice of girls fashion...Pop-Tarts, candy, or cookies in-hand.
Not thrilled about the weekly spelling test practice sessions with my first-grader. Those usually end up with both of us in tears. Smarty-pants-in-training, and BOY that he is, sometimes he likes to tell me the wrong answer, just to kid around. You know, because obviously it's HILARIOUS when mommy has an aneurysm.
All of these are very, very bad signs. And possibly precursors to a nervous breakdown. So - the Mom is very much looking forward to this mini-vacation! The kids - well, who cares?! Their stuff is packed and they are set to enjoy a multiple-hour car ride en route to their weekend destination.
Their dad will get to enjoy them for a couple of days. He should have NO complaints. He will not be responsible for their homework during that time. He will not have to launder their clothes. He will not have to play chaffeur.
He will, or at least I think he's planning on, give them baths. Make sure they brush their teeth. Feed them food that is not comprised totally of fat and/or sugar. Make them go to bed at night. Resolve sibling disputes. Walk with them through stores and places of other retail enjoyment, all the while refusing their demands to purchase video games, gum, Spider-Man goo, Barbies, silly string, pixy sticks, etc. Actually, this part would be quite FUNNY to watch!
But anyway, I must not worry about that. So far I've had a wonderful start to the weekend. MG and I had a beautiful morning. And, again, I wanted to wrap him up and take him with me. We are back on-track and everything is good. Yesterday was even better...we spent a few hours just hanging out and doing everyday stuff. And lots of talking. Tons of flirting. Lunch. Ahhhhh. My love for him runneth over.
So I will enjoy the next couple of days doing whatever tickles my fancy. I will look forward to seeing MG on Monday. And I will look forward to picking up three smiling faces in South Bend on Sunday. Maybe I'll have some silly string and pixy sticks waiting for them at home...
Haiku Friday 4
God, you guys. These things are painful for me to write! It's like a dreaded homework assignment or a dentist appointment.
Here's my weekly attempt at poetic beautification:
Here's my weekly attempt at poetic beautification:
Things are back on track,
I'm on the roller coaster,
Screw the stupid line.
That was oddly dark and bad-ass. Which is weird because I don't usually talk that way. Maybe I'm channeling Amy Winehouse?
4.10.07
Da Man
It is time to introduce you to Da Man.
Da Man is my friend and neighbor. He lives two houses down from me. I've known him for only a few years. He's unlike most dudes in that he is actually interested in what us girls are up to. He always laughs at our stupid girly stories and makes us crack up laughing at times when we want to cry. He does sweet things for us, like bringing us Gatorade when we make the lap around to his house during our nightly walks. Yep. We love him.
Da Man loves to flirt and is quite successful at making women swoon. He's an expert joke-teller and makes a mean crab quesadilla. He's great at girl-talk and knows just the right parts to get excited about.
Please allow me to mention that there is a Mrs. Da Man in the picture. So that he doesn't come across as some kind of pervert hermit who preys on the neighborhood ladies. He's just the neighborhood husband that everybody secretly covets. We all, at one time or another, wanted our hubby to be like Da Man.
We love Mrs. Da Man (hereinafter referred to as Da Woman), too. She feeds us and hangs with us and tells us like it is. Well, that last part is not necessarily a good thing, but whatever.
We all love to spend nights at Da Man's house enjoying not-so-skillfully concocted pitchers of alcoholic beverages. And eating kilos of popcorn, freshly popped from the school's popcorn machine (being as Da Woman works at the school and is PTA President, things like this occasionally find their way to her house).
It's also worth stating that Da Man doesn't go around grabbing our asses or anything - only The Puppetmaster does that. But Da Man is very charming. Like he could absolutely charm the pants off a skinned raccoon. He could commit bank robbery and get away with it. I mean, he would just be like, "What, officers? Oh, was this THEIR money? Sorry - don't know what I was doin' there. My bad. flashes smile How 'bout a beer? manly-man arm slap" And he WOULD SO TOTALLY GET AWAY WITH IT.
Da Man is so freakin' hilarious that it makes you want to like kiss him or something. I dunno. What an oddly weird thought I just had there. THANK GOD he doesn't read this!
Last weekend, all of us went to Da Man's house for a little get-together. Da Woman popped popcorn for all the kids in the aforementioned felonious school popcorn popper and we stuck them in the basement with the projection TV. The adults journeyed out to the deck to enjoy some cocktails and engage in enlightening and profound conversation.
Yeah. Not so much. But we did just kinda relax and hang. And we all snuggled under multiple layers of blankets, because even though it was a blazin' 62 degrees, it felt like 38. We even had a large, philosophical discussion about the temperature and an ensuing debate on what the actual temp might be. To the point where, competitive souls that we all are, we stated our temperature range, then called two different time & temperature numbers to determine the winner. The winner, dammit, was The Puppetmaster, who unfortunately takes people prisoner whenever he is right about something. And then gloats until the rest of us vomit.
Anyway. The point is that we had a heck of a lot of fun. But what happens when you put together a bunch of friends, a bunch of cocktails, and warm snugly blankets is that everyone starts getting all emotional and caring, and then they begin speaking their minds.
Da Man asked me for an update on my love life, big huge spectacle that it is. So we started talking. And talking. And then we did some more talking. Just he and I - a true heart-to-heart convo.
He said it was clear how much I love MG. And he is happy for me that I found that - he's known for a while that I have wanted to be exactly where I am right now. He is also glad to see me rid of The Ex. He saw first-hand what an ass he was and knows what an ass he continues to be to this day.
I told him that I oftentimes worry about us and what might happen to us in the end (see the Someday conversation). That losing him would be THE MOST PAINFUL thing that could EVER happen to me. EVER.
Da Man reassured me that, it's obvious MG cares about me and we have something real between us. That, yes, there might be a time or a situation that causes things to fall apart, just as it could for any relationship, but that I should not worry. And I definitely should not let that worrying get in the way of enjoying what we have right now. Because that could likely cause me to shoot myself in the foot. He sees my position as a no-lose situation. That I have the upper-hand here.
Now - that said, the way he went about explaining this to me took us to places of extreme complexity. Alcohol tends to do that to people. The way he explained it was by saying:
"Let's say you're afraid of roller coasters, but you have the opportunity to go to Six Flags. It's a great place and somewhere you always wanted to go, but you were always too afraid to let yourself have that experience.
But this time, you go anyway. And you go ahead and ride the big ride. You are terrified while you are standing in line. You think about nothing but the things that can go wrong. I mean, sure, you could die. The coaster cars could come to a screeching halt. Lightning could strike. You could have a heart attack. Any number of things - none of which are likely. But once you're on the ride, you LOVE it. You stop worrying. It's way better than you ever imagined. And after the ride ends, all you want to do is get back on.
So, you realize what a great thing you were missing out on, right? And you want to continue riding the ride over and over again. It is one of the most amazing experiences of your life.
And even if that ride ends and you can no longer ride it, it was still well worth the experience it gave you. And now you know that the next time you are presented with an amazing ride, you will let yourself participate, because you know it will bring you much joy.
And, finally, his wish for me is that, when I find THE RIDE, the one I want to ride for the rest of my life, it is the one..."
This is the point where he stopped talking for just a second and I snapped out of my dazed confusion. Because it suddenly all clicked and I got what he was saying. Then we both said, at the exact same time...
"...it is the one with the shortest line."
So, Da Man is freakin' Einstein. Seriously! Wasn't that a great analogy? Either he had been thinking about that for a very long time, or whatever he was drinking was filled with liquid genius.
I hope he knows that even though I cried I was not upset by anything he said. I pretty much cry at the drop of a hat. And I cry equally as much over happy things as I do over sad stuff. Heck, I cried once just because someone told me I looked really nice. And sometimes it's a hormone thing.
I also hope Da Man knows how much I appreciate his friendship and his good advice. I know he only wants the best for me, just as he does for the other people in his life. He is a sweet, sweet dude. I value his friendship greatly!
So here's to Da Man, roller coasters, my love life, great friends, and short lines!
Da Man is my friend and neighbor. He lives two houses down from me. I've known him for only a few years. He's unlike most dudes in that he is actually interested in what us girls are up to. He always laughs at our stupid girly stories and makes us crack up laughing at times when we want to cry. He does sweet things for us, like bringing us Gatorade when we make the lap around to his house during our nightly walks. Yep. We love him.
Da Man loves to flirt and is quite successful at making women swoon. He's an expert joke-teller and makes a mean crab quesadilla. He's great at girl-talk and knows just the right parts to get excited about.
Please allow me to mention that there is a Mrs. Da Man in the picture. So that he doesn't come across as some kind of pervert hermit who preys on the neighborhood ladies. He's just the neighborhood husband that everybody secretly covets. We all, at one time or another, wanted our hubby to be like Da Man.
We love Mrs. Da Man (hereinafter referred to as Da Woman), too. She feeds us and hangs with us and tells us like it is. Well, that last part is not necessarily a good thing, but whatever.
We all love to spend nights at Da Man's house enjoying not-so-skillfully concocted pitchers of alcoholic beverages. And eating kilos of popcorn, freshly popped from the school's popcorn machine (being as Da Woman works at the school and is PTA President, things like this occasionally find their way to her house).
It's also worth stating that Da Man doesn't go around grabbing our asses or anything - only The Puppetmaster does that. But Da Man is very charming. Like he could absolutely charm the pants off a skinned raccoon. He could commit bank robbery and get away with it. I mean, he would just be like, "What, officers? Oh, was this THEIR money? Sorry - don't know what I was doin' there. My bad. flashes smile How 'bout a beer? manly-man arm slap" And he WOULD SO TOTALLY GET AWAY WITH IT.
Da Man is so freakin' hilarious that it makes you want to like kiss him or something. I dunno. What an oddly weird thought I just had there. THANK GOD he doesn't read this!
Last weekend, all of us went to Da Man's house for a little get-together. Da Woman popped popcorn for all the kids in the aforementioned felonious school popcorn popper and we stuck them in the basement with the projection TV. The adults journeyed out to the deck to enjoy some cocktails and engage in enlightening and profound conversation.
Yeah. Not so much. But we did just kinda relax and hang. And we all snuggled under multiple layers of blankets, because even though it was a blazin' 62 degrees, it felt like 38. We even had a large, philosophical discussion about the temperature and an ensuing debate on what the actual temp might be. To the point where, competitive souls that we all are, we stated our temperature range, then called two different time & temperature numbers to determine the winner. The winner, dammit, was The Puppetmaster, who unfortunately takes people prisoner whenever he is right about something. And then gloats until the rest of us vomit.
Anyway. The point is that we had a heck of a lot of fun. But what happens when you put together a bunch of friends, a bunch of cocktails, and warm snugly blankets is that everyone starts getting all emotional and caring, and then they begin speaking their minds.
Da Man asked me for an update on my love life, big huge spectacle that it is. So we started talking. And talking. And then we did some more talking. Just he and I - a true heart-to-heart convo.
He said it was clear how much I love MG. And he is happy for me that I found that - he's known for a while that I have wanted to be exactly where I am right now. He is also glad to see me rid of The Ex. He saw first-hand what an ass he was and knows what an ass he continues to be to this day.
I told him that I oftentimes worry about us and what might happen to us in the end (see the Someday conversation). That losing him would be THE MOST PAINFUL thing that could EVER happen to me. EVER.
Da Man reassured me that, it's obvious MG cares about me and we have something real between us. That, yes, there might be a time or a situation that causes things to fall apart, just as it could for any relationship, but that I should not worry. And I definitely should not let that worrying get in the way of enjoying what we have right now. Because that could likely cause me to shoot myself in the foot. He sees my position as a no-lose situation. That I have the upper-hand here.
Now - that said, the way he went about explaining this to me took us to places of extreme complexity. Alcohol tends to do that to people. The way he explained it was by saying:
"Let's say you're afraid of roller coasters, but you have the opportunity to go to Six Flags. It's a great place and somewhere you always wanted to go, but you were always too afraid to let yourself have that experience.
But this time, you go anyway. And you go ahead and ride the big ride. You are terrified while you are standing in line. You think about nothing but the things that can go wrong. I mean, sure, you could die. The coaster cars could come to a screeching halt. Lightning could strike. You could have a heart attack. Any number of things - none of which are likely. But once you're on the ride, you LOVE it. You stop worrying. It's way better than you ever imagined. And after the ride ends, all you want to do is get back on.
So, you realize what a great thing you were missing out on, right? And you want to continue riding the ride over and over again. It is one of the most amazing experiences of your life.
And even if that ride ends and you can no longer ride it, it was still well worth the experience it gave you. And now you know that the next time you are presented with an amazing ride, you will let yourself participate, because you know it will bring you much joy.
And, finally, his wish for me is that, when I find THE RIDE, the one I want to ride for the rest of my life, it is the one..."
This is the point where he stopped talking for just a second and I snapped out of my dazed confusion. Because it suddenly all clicked and I got what he was saying. Then we both said, at the exact same time...
"...it is the one with the shortest line."
So, Da Man is freakin' Einstein. Seriously! Wasn't that a great analogy? Either he had been thinking about that for a very long time, or whatever he was drinking was filled with liquid genius.
I hope he knows that even though I cried I was not upset by anything he said. I pretty much cry at the drop of a hat. And I cry equally as much over happy things as I do over sad stuff. Heck, I cried once just because someone told me I looked really nice. And sometimes it's a hormone thing.
I also hope Da Man knows how much I appreciate his friendship and his good advice. I know he only wants the best for me, just as he does for the other people in his life. He is a sweet, sweet dude. I value his friendship greatly!
So here's to Da Man, roller coasters, my love life, great friends, and short lines!
Humble Pie is Best Served ala Mode
Okay, so "reading on to find out" actually requires me to publish the next post, right?
Sorry about that!
Last week was absolutely exhausting. Seven fun-filled days packed with a lot of stress, and WAY lots of tears. At one point or another during the week, I think I had a fight with virtually everyone I know. Except my mother - which is ironic. And odd. Some people were blessed enough to have fought with me numerous times during the week. And by NUMEROUS I really mean DAILY.
At this point there is SO much to write, that I must resort to the Reader's Digest version of events. Truth be told, I started to write this about, oh, three-gazillion times, but I couldn't figure out how to tell you about this WITHOUT publishing a novel.
Basically what happened was that after I wrote my last post ("Someday") I started doing some major heavy thinking. About my relationships and what I wanted to do with all this. It's been clear to me for a while now that I must let BA off the hook. Yes, he is wonderful in many, many ways. He is attentive and affectionate and fun and warm. He's a bad-ass, yet sweet, he's smart and he is way fun to hang out with.
But he is NOT MG. Plain and simple. I do not even have to reiterate how I feel about him, now do I? DO I? Surely by now, y'all know and are acutely sick of hearing about it. So, anyway, this had been weighing heavily on my mind for days when I went out with BA two Saturday's ago. We went to dinner and hung out for a couple of hours. It was while we were watching football that I sorta flipped out on him.
I have always been 100% honest with him, y'know. Even when what I had to say really hurt and was not all hearts and flowers. And he has always taken it/put up with me with loads of sweetness and compassion. To the point, in fact, where many of us ended up scratching our heads and wondering what was going on with him.
Anyway, this time? Very different. He didn't get angry or yell or anything like that. But I had finally pushed him over the line. I just told him that I was very, very confused. That I really loved MG and that it was causing me to feel like I was treating him unfairly - like I couldn't put my whole heart into it.
And guess what? He didn't like that answer. Imagine that. But, he still kept his cool and wiped away my tears, then shed a few of his own. We ended the night more confused than we started, and I went home feeling rather ill.
The next day was even worse. This is the day when BA figured out (on his own) who MG actually is. And this is the point at which BA LOST HIS MIND. He spazzed out a bit. Seems that they were FRIENDS. As in BUDDIES, people! Like he hung out with him during the better portion of their college and post-college years. Me, being a bull-shitter myself and a chronic non-believer in most things guys have to say, grilled him on a few facts that I happen to know about MG from those days. BA passed the Glory Days quiz with flying colors. So, he is telling the truth.
And OMG did this little discovery ever up the ante! Turned everything into a giant, major competition. Which led to lots more fighting, and crying, and even some territory-pissing. Can I just say I do NOT enjoy being the "territory" that gets pissed on? Numerous hours were spent on the phone last week listening to why I should be with BA and dump MG. Lots of hours spent listening to what a fake Bi-Yatch I am and how I don't mean anything I say.
My mind is numb from all of that. We have since moved past it, but it took quite a while. And lots of fighting. I even fought with Kelly and The Puppetmaster which REALLY. SUCKED. But we have all moved past it now.
Here's the funny part: I left the situation pretty much where it stood BEFORE I flipped out. Which makes me want to kick myself in the ass. I have remained honest with BA. And I am back in the same boat I was in a couple of weeks ago. So much for progress, huh?!
Last week I also found myself in a tiff with MG. He was upset with me for something little and stupid I did that is way too petty to even mention here. It was not my fault. And he knows it. Nonetheless, it rubbed him a little bit the wrong way, and he felt it appropriate to give me the usual - I'm pissed at you so endure this little thing I thought up called "The Ultra-Cruel Silent Treatment." He invented it, and he is a master at its execution.
Last week started out okay. Last Sunday I was working at a sporting event when he dropped by for a little while. I must say it was SO cute and made me want to wrap him up and take him home. Monday was great and Tuesday was fine. But by Wednesday - SHAZAM! - we were in full-on Silent Treatment Mode.
And I must say that IT SUCKS TO BE TREATED THAT WAY AND I HATE IT! It took until Thursday afternoon, after I finally called him out on it, for it to be over. He gave me another CD and commenced the sweety-sweet stuff. All better.
This week has been fine. But, still something is off. I think maybe I've had too many people putting ideas in my head lately and I'm having trouble thinking clearly. The last couple of weeks have been very confusing for me. The only thing that even kinda makes sense was a convo I had with my friend & neighbor, D. Which, even though he was feeling a little "toasty" at the time, actually helped me quite a bit. In fact, I think I will dedicate my next post to that...
In summation, I guess I was enjoying my situation a little too much without thinking about everybody involved. I was loving how everything was going and was happy cruising right along. Then WHAM! Some really crappy things hit me in the face. And I was forced to deal with them. It sucked.
Somewhere along the line, I heard that little voice say, "How about a nice slice of Humble Pie, Allie?"
To which I responded, "Got any ice cream to go with that?" (Hey - it makes it go down easier, okay?)
Sorry about that!
Last week was absolutely exhausting. Seven fun-filled days packed with a lot of stress, and WAY lots of tears. At one point or another during the week, I think I had a fight with virtually everyone I know. Except my mother - which is ironic. And odd. Some people were blessed enough to have fought with me numerous times during the week. And by NUMEROUS I really mean DAILY.
At this point there is SO much to write, that I must resort to the Reader's Digest version of events. Truth be told, I started to write this about, oh, three-gazillion times, but I couldn't figure out how to tell you about this WITHOUT publishing a novel.
Basically what happened was that after I wrote my last post ("Someday") I started doing some major heavy thinking. About my relationships and what I wanted to do with all this. It's been clear to me for a while now that I must let BA off the hook. Yes, he is wonderful in many, many ways. He is attentive and affectionate and fun and warm. He's a bad-ass, yet sweet, he's smart and he is way fun to hang out with.
But he is NOT MG. Plain and simple. I do not even have to reiterate how I feel about him, now do I? DO I? Surely by now, y'all know and are acutely sick of hearing about it. So, anyway, this had been weighing heavily on my mind for days when I went out with BA two Saturday's ago. We went to dinner and hung out for a couple of hours. It was while we were watching football that I sorta flipped out on him.
I have always been 100% honest with him, y'know. Even when what I had to say really hurt and was not all hearts and flowers. And he has always taken it/put up with me with loads of sweetness and compassion. To the point, in fact, where many of us ended up scratching our heads and wondering what was going on with him.
Anyway, this time? Very different. He didn't get angry or yell or anything like that. But I had finally pushed him over the line. I just told him that I was very, very confused. That I really loved MG and that it was causing me to feel like I was treating him unfairly - like I couldn't put my whole heart into it.
And guess what? He didn't like that answer. Imagine that. But, he still kept his cool and wiped away my tears, then shed a few of his own. We ended the night more confused than we started, and I went home feeling rather ill.
The next day was even worse. This is the day when BA figured out (on his own) who MG actually is. And this is the point at which BA LOST HIS MIND. He spazzed out a bit. Seems that they were FRIENDS. As in BUDDIES, people! Like he hung out with him during the better portion of their college and post-college years. Me, being a bull-shitter myself and a chronic non-believer in most things guys have to say, grilled him on a few facts that I happen to know about MG from those days. BA passed the Glory Days quiz with flying colors. So, he is telling the truth.
And OMG did this little discovery ever up the ante! Turned everything into a giant, major competition. Which led to lots more fighting, and crying, and even some territory-pissing. Can I just say I do NOT enjoy being the "territory" that gets pissed on? Numerous hours were spent on the phone last week listening to why I should be with BA and dump MG. Lots of hours spent listening to what a fake Bi-Yatch I am and how I don't mean anything I say.
My mind is numb from all of that. We have since moved past it, but it took quite a while. And lots of fighting. I even fought with Kelly and The Puppetmaster which REALLY. SUCKED. But we have all moved past it now.
Here's the funny part: I left the situation pretty much where it stood BEFORE I flipped out. Which makes me want to kick myself in the ass. I have remained honest with BA. And I am back in the same boat I was in a couple of weeks ago. So much for progress, huh?!
Last week I also found myself in a tiff with MG. He was upset with me for something little and stupid I did that is way too petty to even mention here. It was not my fault. And he knows it. Nonetheless, it rubbed him a little bit the wrong way, and he felt it appropriate to give me the usual - I'm pissed at you so endure this little thing I thought up called "The Ultra-Cruel Silent Treatment." He invented it, and he is a master at its execution.
Last week started out okay. Last Sunday I was working at a sporting event when he dropped by for a little while. I must say it was SO cute and made me want to wrap him up and take him home. Monday was great and Tuesday was fine. But by Wednesday - SHAZAM! - we were in full-on Silent Treatment Mode.
And I must say that IT SUCKS TO BE TREATED THAT WAY AND I HATE IT! It took until Thursday afternoon, after I finally called him out on it, for it to be over. He gave me another CD and commenced the sweety-sweet stuff. All better.
This week has been fine. But, still something is off. I think maybe I've had too many people putting ideas in my head lately and I'm having trouble thinking clearly. The last couple of weeks have been very confusing for me. The only thing that even kinda makes sense was a convo I had with my friend & neighbor, D. Which, even though he was feeling a little "toasty" at the time, actually helped me quite a bit. In fact, I think I will dedicate my next post to that...
In summation, I guess I was enjoying my situation a little too much without thinking about everybody involved. I was loving how everything was going and was happy cruising right along. Then WHAM! Some really crappy things hit me in the face. And I was forced to deal with them. It sucked.
Somewhere along the line, I heard that little voice say, "How about a nice slice of Humble Pie, Allie?"
To which I responded, "Got any ice cream to go with that?" (Hey - it makes it go down easier, okay?)
28.9.07
Haiku Friday 3
So glad it's Friday!
My week has been terrible,
You don't want to know.
Been lots of heartache.
Lots of fighting and crying.
It was just ugly.
And what did I learn?
Stuff about having your cake.
And eating it, too.
That love is a game.
Though it really should not be,
You must play it well.
There's more to this tale.
It is so complicated.
Read on to find out.
21.9.07
Someday
My friend, G, was over at my house last night. We were sitting on my front porch while all the kids ran around the front, back, and side yards, chasing each other and tackling each other while screaming and shreiking. And eating chocolate chip cookies. Ever want to be in elementary school again?!
Us moms were relaxing and enjoying the return of the killer mosquitos. Gina was cracking me up because, first of all, when she came over, she made the trek across the lawn with a bonus-sized can of OFF! in her hand. She wielded that thing like a weapon. Even funnier was the way she would pump about 12 sprays at the menacing maniacs while never once breaking stride in her conversation. It was really funny!
Anyway. She gave me the nicest compliment about yesterday's blog post. She was telling me how it was so obvious how much I truly love MG. And by the way it was written, she could see the true, deep feelings I have for him. That it was beautiful and almost made her cry.
Well, needless to say, my head immediately swelled WAY up! That made me feel so good because, not only is that WAY true, but it was such a huge compliment and it really meant a lot to me.
As I was writing that entry yesterday, I was thinking about how much I really do love MG. Add to the fact that I was looking at and/or talking to him most of the time I was writing, and you can see why the feelings were so strong. After she said that to me, I was very proud that those feelings came through in my writing. So this morning, I re-read the post - with an outside perspective, trying to read the post as everyone else out there would read it.
And I was actually under-whelmed. I don't know why. I think it's because I KNOW that there are lots more things I can say and lots of other details I can give you. It didn't seem like it came across as strongly as I had intended. So I'm thinking I should give it a little bit of a re-do.
G said she especially liked the part about the hug he gave me when he first walked in the door. I cannot find the words to describe exactly what that felt like. I want to say that it felt like fire. Like he was on fire, I was on fire, we were on fire. The warmth of his body literally enveloped me. It was highly-anticipated, much-needed, hot, warm, sincere, sexy, and slow. Yes, slow. Like, you could see and feel the intent behind it. He held me there in his arms for a long time. He held me tightly. I felt very safe and secure and the emotions were intense. Yes, he has done this before. A lot, actually. And I love it every time. He usually kisses my forehead and rubs my back while he's doing it. Of course, I return every ounce of affection... But sometimes I just like to put my head against his chest or place my face in his neck and just breathe it all in. If only I could stop time in those moments...
Moving on (and omitting a large chunk of time in between), I also mentioned that we spent some time just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. I got to lie in his arms and put my head on his chest for the longest time. I could have died right there and been okay with it. I loved it and have wanted to do that for the longest time, but I can't describe what it felt like to actually be in that moment. It felt so perfect it is indescribable. We talked as he caressed my back and shoulder. And kissed my forehead a couple of times. I memorized every single freckle on his stomach, and enjoyed the contour of his rib cage. While all of that was going on, he told me the cutest stories. All I could think about was how much I loved being there with him and how much I love him. It goes down to the core of my being and feels so comfortable it's scary.
This was all so wonderful that I'm still reliving it on Friday. And probably will for quite some time. But, as you know, we have our share of ups and downs, just like everyone else. And because of the situation, we often have extra hurdles to overcome.
For example, it is REALLY HARD during those times when I have to leave him and go my separate way. Most of the time when that happens, we give each other the saddest, yet sweetest looks. And a little piece of my heart breaks every time. It's hard, and upsetting, and frustrating. Walking away from someone you love or watching that someone walk away from you is excruciating.
We even have a line for it which he uses on me at the ends of our dates. It goes like this:
MG: (as he is kissing me goodnight) Nudge me in the morning for breakfast?
Me: I would love to.
MG: Someday.
Me: Someday. Definitely, someday. (another kiss goodbye, heart breaking)
I think that kind of sums it all up. I love him deeply and truly with all of my heart. In a way I really didn't think was possible.
I think we are both trying to figure stuff out here. We started to talk about it once. As he said, he is a planner, and needs to plan things out. All I know is how much I love him and how perfect it is when we are together. In fact, most of the time it feels like I'm living in a dream.
The good news is that I am a firm believer that dreams really do come true...
Someday.
Us moms were relaxing and enjoying the return of the killer mosquitos. Gina was cracking me up because, first of all, when she came over, she made the trek across the lawn with a bonus-sized can of OFF! in her hand. She wielded that thing like a weapon. Even funnier was the way she would pump about 12 sprays at the menacing maniacs while never once breaking stride in her conversation. It was really funny!
Anyway. She gave me the nicest compliment about yesterday's blog post. She was telling me how it was so obvious how much I truly love MG. And by the way it was written, she could see the true, deep feelings I have for him. That it was beautiful and almost made her cry.
Well, needless to say, my head immediately swelled WAY up! That made me feel so good because, not only is that WAY true, but it was such a huge compliment and it really meant a lot to me.
As I was writing that entry yesterday, I was thinking about how much I really do love MG. Add to the fact that I was looking at and/or talking to him most of the time I was writing, and you can see why the feelings were so strong. After she said that to me, I was very proud that those feelings came through in my writing. So this morning, I re-read the post - with an outside perspective, trying to read the post as everyone else out there would read it.
And I was actually under-whelmed. I don't know why. I think it's because I KNOW that there are lots more things I can say and lots of other details I can give you. It didn't seem like it came across as strongly as I had intended. So I'm thinking I should give it a little bit of a re-do.
G said she especially liked the part about the hug he gave me when he first walked in the door. I cannot find the words to describe exactly what that felt like. I want to say that it felt like fire. Like he was on fire, I was on fire, we were on fire. The warmth of his body literally enveloped me. It was highly-anticipated, much-needed, hot, warm, sincere, sexy, and slow. Yes, slow. Like, you could see and feel the intent behind it. He held me there in his arms for a long time. He held me tightly. I felt very safe and secure and the emotions were intense. Yes, he has done this before. A lot, actually. And I love it every time. He usually kisses my forehead and rubs my back while he's doing it. Of course, I return every ounce of affection... But sometimes I just like to put my head against his chest or place my face in his neck and just breathe it all in. If only I could stop time in those moments...
Moving on (and omitting a large chunk of time in between), I also mentioned that we spent some time just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. I got to lie in his arms and put my head on his chest for the longest time. I could have died right there and been okay with it. I loved it and have wanted to do that for the longest time, but I can't describe what it felt like to actually be in that moment. It felt so perfect it is indescribable. We talked as he caressed my back and shoulder. And kissed my forehead a couple of times. I memorized every single freckle on his stomach, and enjoyed the contour of his rib cage. While all of that was going on, he told me the cutest stories. All I could think about was how much I loved being there with him and how much I love him. It goes down to the core of my being and feels so comfortable it's scary.
This was all so wonderful that I'm still reliving it on Friday. And probably will for quite some time. But, as you know, we have our share of ups and downs, just like everyone else. And because of the situation, we often have extra hurdles to overcome.
For example, it is REALLY HARD during those times when I have to leave him and go my separate way. Most of the time when that happens, we give each other the saddest, yet sweetest looks. And a little piece of my heart breaks every time. It's hard, and upsetting, and frustrating. Walking away from someone you love or watching that someone walk away from you is excruciating.
We even have a line for it which he uses on me at the ends of our dates. It goes like this:
MG: (as he is kissing me goodnight) Nudge me in the morning for breakfast?
Me: I would love to.
MG: Someday.
Me: Someday. Definitely, someday. (another kiss goodbye, heart breaking)
I think that kind of sums it all up. I love him deeply and truly with all of my heart. In a way I really didn't think was possible.
I think we are both trying to figure stuff out here. We started to talk about it once. As he said, he is a planner, and needs to plan things out. All I know is how much I love him and how perfect it is when we are together. In fact, most of the time it feels like I'm living in a dream.
The good news is that I am a firm believer that dreams really do come true...
Someday.
Haiku Friday 2
Because I'm tired
I'm not very creative
So maybe next week?
How's that for the world's WORST haiku? I suppose that was kind of creative...if you squint your eyes and really, really think about it. I promise to post something of substance after I drink some coffee!
19.9.07
Now This Gives New Meaning to Super Tuesday!
This post is hereby dedicated to that beautiful day of the week, Tuesday! I have a particular fondness for it because, for one reason or another, that is the day that I usually get to see MG.
Before last week, golf league made that all possible. It provided quite the perfect opportunity for us to get together. Last year, when we were busy dancing around the issue and ourselves, I hated Tuesdays because it actually meant I got to see him very little, if at all. And I hated that! But this year was much different. I looked forward to Tuesday as if it were Christmas.
After the season ended a couple of weeks ago, I began dreading Tuesdays because there wouldn't be any more opportunities for dates or phone calls. But so far, I have been wrong.
Last Tuesday I was at a school meeting when I got a very sweet phone call. MG was otherwise occupied, but made time to call me in between events. That ROCKED because have I mentioned lately that I love him? I was very glad to have had that phone call, but at the same time, I was a little gloomy over not getting to see him. It was the first Tuesday in a while that we had not seen each other.
I began worrying about this Tuesday on say, Saturday. I was already psyching myself up for a disappointing, uneventful week. Especially since MG was out of town and would be flying back on Tuesday morning.
Because of his being out of town, I didn't get to talk to or see him all weekend. The last contact we had was on Friday evening. I thought about him a lot over the weekend (what's new?!?) but did not expect to hear from him.
Which is why the text message I got at 2:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning TOTALLY ROCKED! Yes, it arrived while I was dead asleep. And yes, I was more than a little groggy when I pinged back my reply. But OMG I was super glad to hear from him and was instantly filled with warm fuzzies.
That said, we really didn't talk about a whole lot. It was more of a touching base, how are you kind of thing. So anyway, I was feeling rather chipper when I arrived to work yesterday morning. Three minutes later, as I was taking my first bite of a Starbucks' Seven-Layer Bar (ever had one? Geezus - they are good!) I got a TM that said he was almost home from the airport and wanted to get together.
I'm pretty sure right after that happened, I heard the sweet sounds of angels singing, followed by beautiful birds chirpring and babies laughing. Somebody walked up to me and punched me right in the face, but I just turned around and laughed. Then gave them a big kiss. Okay, that stuff didn't really happen, but I'm just tryin' to say that I was very, very happy.
And I also must say how impressed I am with him for being so spontaneous and creative and gutsy. This is very much unlike him. He says his brain doesn't work that way. Which sounds like a flimsy excuse and an easy way of becoming the one NOT to make the plans and, well, think. But, trust me, he's right. His brain really doesn't work that way - usually (luckily - mine does!). The other day, however, his brain was functioning very well which apparently means he does his best thinking at 37,000 feet!
But, anyway, I digress... I ditched the Seven-Layer Bar, packed up my stuff, lied a lot to our Receptionist about where I was really going and why I would be gone for a few hours, and headed home.
That's right! We actually got to have that much-anticipated date at my house. Remember DDay? And how I had that all planned out, complete with a cleaning itinerary and division of duties? You know - how every object in my house (animate and inanimate) was to be freshly scrubbed and pleasantly scented? And how every single item was to have its own home complete with plastic organizational thingees and labels?
Yeah. Well, that didn't exactly happen. But it's all good. I did make it home in time to get the kids' beds made and things crammed, jammed, and stuffed into out-of-sight hiding places (my kitchen cabinets are totally screwed right now, but that's okay!)
Then he came over. And it was awesome.
As soon as he walked in the door, I wanted to faint and/or die. Whenever we get a quiet moment together when I can look right into his eyes, I am awestruck. Really. I can't think straight, I get flushed, I probably sit there with my mouth hanging open, my heart rate speeds up to 150 bpm, I say silly things, and I giggle.
All of those things ensued. And then he wrapped his entire body around me and gave me the longest, warmest, sweetest hug ever. I'm pretty sure I actually melted right there in his arms. And we stayed like that for quite a long time. I don't think my kitchen has ever seen that much kissing in its lifetime. (relax, the wallpaper is still stuck to the walls.)
Every once in a while, I got to stand against him with my hands planted firmly in his back pockets, resting my head on his chest, taking it all in. Every. Single. Second.
I won't gross you out by elaborating on any more of our activities than I already have. I'm sure you see where this is headed. But I have to say that in the name of all things Holy, it was amazing! Ahem.
Just so you don't get the wrong idea, we also got to spend some QT talking and enjoying each other's company. We talked about all kinds of stuff. How his trip went. Who he met. How work was. The color of my bedroom walls. The kids. And wrapped in his arms, I wanted to stay that way for pretty much ever. I listened to his heart beating and soaked up every single moment. It's in those moments that it is clear to me THAT is the place I want to be.
If only it were that simple...
Before last week, golf league made that all possible. It provided quite the perfect opportunity for us to get together. Last year, when we were busy dancing around the issue and ourselves, I hated Tuesdays because it actually meant I got to see him very little, if at all. And I hated that! But this year was much different. I looked forward to Tuesday as if it were Christmas.
After the season ended a couple of weeks ago, I began dreading Tuesdays because there wouldn't be any more opportunities for dates or phone calls. But so far, I have been wrong.
Last Tuesday I was at a school meeting when I got a very sweet phone call. MG was otherwise occupied, but made time to call me in between events. That ROCKED because have I mentioned lately that I love him? I was very glad to have had that phone call, but at the same time, I was a little gloomy over not getting to see him. It was the first Tuesday in a while that we had not seen each other.
I began worrying about this Tuesday on say, Saturday. I was already psyching myself up for a disappointing, uneventful week. Especially since MG was out of town and would be flying back on Tuesday morning.
Because of his being out of town, I didn't get to talk to or see him all weekend. The last contact we had was on Friday evening. I thought about him a lot over the weekend (what's new?!?) but did not expect to hear from him.
Which is why the text message I got at 2:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning TOTALLY ROCKED! Yes, it arrived while I was dead asleep. And yes, I was more than a little groggy when I pinged back my reply. But OMG I was super glad to hear from him and was instantly filled with warm fuzzies.
That said, we really didn't talk about a whole lot. It was more of a touching base, how are you kind of thing. So anyway, I was feeling rather chipper when I arrived to work yesterday morning. Three minutes later, as I was taking my first bite of a Starbucks' Seven-Layer Bar (ever had one? Geezus - they are good!) I got a TM that said he was almost home from the airport and wanted to get together.
I'm pretty sure right after that happened, I heard the sweet sounds of angels singing, followed by beautiful birds chirpring and babies laughing. Somebody walked up to me and punched me right in the face, but I just turned around and laughed. Then gave them a big kiss. Okay, that stuff didn't really happen, but I'm just tryin' to say that I was very, very happy.
And I also must say how impressed I am with him for being so spontaneous and creative and gutsy. This is very much unlike him. He says his brain doesn't work that way. Which sounds like a flimsy excuse and an easy way of becoming the one NOT to make the plans and, well, think. But, trust me, he's right. His brain really doesn't work that way - usually (luckily - mine does!). The other day, however, his brain was functioning very well which apparently means he does his best thinking at 37,000 feet!
But, anyway, I digress... I ditched the Seven-Layer Bar, packed up my stuff, lied a lot to our Receptionist about where I was really going and why I would be gone for a few hours, and headed home.
That's right! We actually got to have that much-anticipated date at my house. Remember DDay? And how I had that all planned out, complete with a cleaning itinerary and division of duties? You know - how every object in my house (animate and inanimate) was to be freshly scrubbed and pleasantly scented? And how every single item was to have its own home complete with plastic organizational thingees and labels?
Yeah. Well, that didn't exactly happen. But it's all good. I did make it home in time to get the kids' beds made and things crammed, jammed, and stuffed into out-of-sight hiding places (my kitchen cabinets are totally screwed right now, but that's okay!)
Then he came over. And it was awesome.
As soon as he walked in the door, I wanted to faint and/or die. Whenever we get a quiet moment together when I can look right into his eyes, I am awestruck. Really. I can't think straight, I get flushed, I probably sit there with my mouth hanging open, my heart rate speeds up to 150 bpm, I say silly things, and I giggle.
All of those things ensued. And then he wrapped his entire body around me and gave me the longest, warmest, sweetest hug ever. I'm pretty sure I actually melted right there in his arms. And we stayed like that for quite a long time. I don't think my kitchen has ever seen that much kissing in its lifetime. (relax, the wallpaper is still stuck to the walls.)
Every once in a while, I got to stand against him with my hands planted firmly in his back pockets, resting my head on his chest, taking it all in. Every. Single. Second.
I won't gross you out by elaborating on any more of our activities than I already have. I'm sure you see where this is headed. But I have to say that in the name of all things Holy, it was amazing! Ahem.
Just so you don't get the wrong idea, we also got to spend some QT talking and enjoying each other's company. We talked about all kinds of stuff. How his trip went. Who he met. How work was. The color of my bedroom walls. The kids. And wrapped in his arms, I wanted to stay that way for pretty much ever. I listened to his heart beating and soaked up every single moment. It's in those moments that it is clear to me THAT is the place I want to be.
If only it were that simple...
17.9.07
Haiku Friday
Okay, okay... I am becoming a poet. I am all for branching out and developing new talents... Plus my friend Toni, from Tale of Two Kiddies introduced me to this concept. The idea being that it is way easier to publish a Haiku on Friday than come up with actual writing material. I thought this applied to me today, so here goes:
Love is amazing,
Though I am often confused,
I wouldn't trade it.
Wow! That wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be! Check out these other submissions to Haiku Friday. It's great reading material for you until I get my act together and actually publish a post...ha ha.
6.9.07
Love Bites (literally)
My date Tuesday night resulted in me being bitten by roughly 1.3 million mosquitoes. Judging by the size of the resulting welts, they were all of the super, giant, flesh-eating variety. I am COVERED from scalp to toe in them... I mean they are in between my fingers, inside my belly button, on 80% of my arms, and EVERYWHERE in between. E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, people. This is NOT an exaggeration.
However, I must say that the whole thing was well worth it. I am willing to sacrifice my skin in order to spend QT with MG. And, oh, what a fantastic time we had (sorry, I couldn't help myself).
Kelly and I walked late last night and she was kind enough to bring along a tube of itch cream. I LOVE that stuff. Man, I rubbed it into every square inch of my exposed skin during our walk. And rubbed, and rubbed, and... Then I went home and took care of the rest of my body. Today at lunch I invested in the largest possible tube of Maximum Strength Relief Cream. I'm pretty well lathered in it as we speak. And later I'm going to buy some stock in Pfizer Consumer Healthcare. God Bless those people!
MG thought this whole thing was funny at first. Yesterday, when the bites were in their infant stage, it was kinda funny. But now that they have blossomed, it's pitiful really. Being me right now if physically miserable. Because it feels like my skin is literally crawling. I'm trying to prevent myself from engaging in maniacal scratching and thrashing for fear of looking like I might actually be mistaken as mentally retarded (please hold all comments to yourselves, thank you.). MG feels sorry for me. This pity, however, has not precluded him from making the occasional smartass comment about my condition. But that's okay because I happened to notice a few red bumps on him this afternoon - suffering (and scratching) is best done in pairs.
Oh yeah - you should see the looks I've been getting from the general public. They are either feeling sorry for me for having such an acute case of psoriasis, or they are trying to figure out what else might be wrong with me to have attracted every single last mosquito in the entire Midwest to my body. Either way - not good.
Today someone said to me, "Gee, I guess you should stop getting naked and lying in the grass." Yeah, real funny. If they only knew.
Truth be told, I guess I should stop doing that.
....nah
BTW, if you happen to cross paths with a mosquito today, please Kill. It. Dead. Smack the living Hell out of it! All bugs must die! Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter and have a great day!
However, I must say that the whole thing was well worth it. I am willing to sacrifice my skin in order to spend QT with MG. And, oh, what a fantastic time we had (sorry, I couldn't help myself).
Kelly and I walked late last night and she was kind enough to bring along a tube of itch cream. I LOVE that stuff. Man, I rubbed it into every square inch of my exposed skin during our walk. And rubbed, and rubbed, and... Then I went home and took care of the rest of my body. Today at lunch I invested in the largest possible tube of Maximum Strength Relief Cream. I'm pretty well lathered in it as we speak. And later I'm going to buy some stock in Pfizer Consumer Healthcare. God Bless those people!
MG thought this whole thing was funny at first. Yesterday, when the bites were in their infant stage, it was kinda funny. But now that they have blossomed, it's pitiful really. Being me right now if physically miserable. Because it feels like my skin is literally crawling. I'm trying to prevent myself from engaging in maniacal scratching and thrashing for fear of looking like I might actually be mistaken as mentally retarded (please hold all comments to yourselves, thank you.). MG feels sorry for me. This pity, however, has not precluded him from making the occasional smartass comment about my condition. But that's okay because I happened to notice a few red bumps on him this afternoon - suffering (and scratching) is best done in pairs.
Oh yeah - you should see the looks I've been getting from the general public. They are either feeling sorry for me for having such an acute case of psoriasis, or they are trying to figure out what else might be wrong with me to have attracted every single last mosquito in the entire Midwest to my body. Either way - not good.
Today someone said to me, "Gee, I guess you should stop getting naked and lying in the grass." Yeah, real funny. If they only knew.
Truth be told, I guess I should stop doing that.
....nah
BTW, if you happen to cross paths with a mosquito today, please Kill. It. Dead. Smack the living Hell out of it! All bugs must die! Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter and have a great day!
5.9.07
Queen of the World
Okay, kids. Here's the deal. I've had a good night's sleep and my mind is now clear - I have figured out what I'm going to do about BA.
And that is... I'm going to tell the truth - which means that will be a done deal. Here is how I came to that conclusion:
First of all, I spent all of yesterday looking at, flirting with, and talking to MG. And it was GREAT. He is a really sweet, loving man. There are many, many things about him I love. And there is this underlying sense of things just being right with him. I know it every time I see him. And yesterday I realized without a doubt that there is nothing that would ever happen to cause me to break things off with him. Like I would be more willing to lose a limb or an eye or the use of my faculties than that. Okay, I knew that WAY before yesterday, but anyway...
Also yesterday I received TMs from BA all day long. They were sweet, yes. And contained many ILYs, but there is something missing there. In a BIG WAY.
I realized along the way that even though BA is fun and attentive and loving, I think what makes me want to be around him the most is, well, the attention. I mean, it is FAN-TASTIC having someone to call you sweet little pet names and dote all over you and treat you like you are the Queen of the world. Who wouldn't love that?
I sure did. And I think I kinda became dependent on it. That is really what I don't want to stop. All the attention.
So anyway, last night I had a date with MG. He is the person I want to be with. He is the person I would drop anything (and anybody) for.
We had a very AWESOME date during which we did some driving and talking. It was great just to be with him. Then we went to the park where we sat by the water and enjoyed the stars. And talked some more. And stuff. And during all of that, there were several times when I looked into his eyes and just knew.
On the way home, I held his hand as we talked about our November trip. I think we have all the details worked out on that. And hopefully it will go off without a hitch. Because, MAN OH MAN, it will be fabulously wonderful!
Also on the way home we started to have a serious conversation. We started to talk about what was going to happen with us. But we decided to talk about it later. I'm not entirely sure where he was going with that. At this point I'm not going to be the one to bring it up. I know he is thinking about it a lot and I know he wants to talk to me about it. I'm leaving the timing up to him.
I know what I want him to say. And I know what I want to tell him. But I also understand the complexity of the issue. Nonetheless, I really do love him with all of my heart. Being with him truly makes me happier than anything BA does/did/could do. He makes me feel like the Queen of the World. I hope he knows that.
And that is... I'm going to tell the truth - which means that will be a done deal. Here is how I came to that conclusion:
First of all, I spent all of yesterday looking at, flirting with, and talking to MG. And it was GREAT. He is a really sweet, loving man. There are many, many things about him I love. And there is this underlying sense of things just being right with him. I know it every time I see him. And yesterday I realized without a doubt that there is nothing that would ever happen to cause me to break things off with him. Like I would be more willing to lose a limb or an eye or the use of my faculties than that. Okay, I knew that WAY before yesterday, but anyway...
Also yesterday I received TMs from BA all day long. They were sweet, yes. And contained many ILYs, but there is something missing there. In a BIG WAY.
I realized along the way that even though BA is fun and attentive and loving, I think what makes me want to be around him the most is, well, the attention. I mean, it is FAN-TASTIC having someone to call you sweet little pet names and dote all over you and treat you like you are the Queen of the world. Who wouldn't love that?
I sure did. And I think I kinda became dependent on it. That is really what I don't want to stop. All the attention.
So anyway, last night I had a date with MG. He is the person I want to be with. He is the person I would drop anything (and anybody) for.
We had a very AWESOME date during which we did some driving and talking. It was great just to be with him. Then we went to the park where we sat by the water and enjoyed the stars. And talked some more. And stuff. And during all of that, there were several times when I looked into his eyes and just knew.
On the way home, I held his hand as we talked about our November trip. I think we have all the details worked out on that. And hopefully it will go off without a hitch. Because, MAN OH MAN, it will be fabulously wonderful!
Also on the way home we started to have a serious conversation. We started to talk about what was going to happen with us. But we decided to talk about it later. I'm not entirely sure where he was going with that. At this point I'm not going to be the one to bring it up. I know he is thinking about it a lot and I know he wants to talk to me about it. I'm leaving the timing up to him.
I know what I want him to say. And I know what I want to tell him. But I also understand the complexity of the issue. Nonetheless, I really do love him with all of my heart. Being with him truly makes me happier than anything BA does/did/could do. He makes me feel like the Queen of the World. I hope he knows that.
4.9.07
Holy Crap!
It is the start of a new week and I am operating on very little sleep. Plus there's a whole lotta stuff happening right now and I am confused and stressed out and cranky.
So there. Deal with it.
Some weird-ass things happened this weekend. I had a few dates with BA. And I stayed up really late. And I met a 13-year-old girl who decided to tell me her all about her ultra-crazy, very promiscious social life. And BA told me he loves me.
Yep. You read that right.
You see, I'm at an utter loss for words about this. I did NOT see that coming. Well, not all the way. I definitely saw that he was getting V-E-R-Y serious. And I knew that the terms of our original "arrangement" were breaking down. On both sides.
And I mentioned before that he had become very romantic and sweet and stuff. But I did NOT see the L word in our immediate future.
But anyway, it happened. And along with it came a truckload of problems...
It happened yesterday in a face-to-face discussion. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. That we are good together and I am good for him. That he didn't expect to fall in love with me when we first met, but that it just sorta happened.
Oh yeah, and that now I have to cut things off with MG. Or else.
W-T-F?!?!?!?!?!? (By the way, if I could have typed that in 80-pt. red typeface with bolding and underlining, and maybe some nice italics, I would have.)
Two words ran through my mind: Holy. Crap. (edited for content)
Now, I've known all along that BA knew about MG. The Puppetmaster took care of that. I was under the impression that the whole situation was kinda driving BA's interest - or at least making it more intense. It provided the fuel that made him try harder.
Here's where I messed up... I didn't realize BA didn't know how serious my thing with MG is. Meaning mainly that he didn't know it was also a sexual thing. Until I. Told. Him. Good God! That was NOT a PRETTY PICTURE! Thank you, Puppetmaster, for giving me whole story on that!
After that fiasco, the whole MG conversation was immediately ramped up to include phrases like:
If you don't end it with him, don't come back.
I don't want him to ever touch you again.
If you decide you love him and want to be with him, I am going to walk away.
If you love me, this shouldn't matter.
Never once did I lead BA to believe I was going to end things with MG. Quite the opposite, in fact, and for this I am proud. I could have straight-up lied and told him what he wanted to hear. And believe me I thought about it. But in the end, I couldn't manage it. So I decided to give him the whole truth no matter what the question was and not hold anything back. Which made for a very uncomfortable vibe.
He kept saying, "I'm waiting for the part where you say, 'Of course, baby. I will end things with him right away because I love you and I want to be with you.'" Yeah. That part didn't happen.
To tell you the truth, I was dying inside because I was imagining being on the other end of this. You know the feeling when you really want someone to say certain things or make things a certain way, and they just can't. And, well...I had some major awful New Guy flashbacks.
When I left, he gave me the ultimatum that if I didn't take care of things with MG, he was done. That he would continue to call me and TM me, but nothing else would be happening. He gave me a goodbye kiss and told me loved me.
And he has TM'd me twenty-or-so times since then.
Meanwhile, I am torturing myself over what to do here. You all KNOW I'm not about to break things off with MG. I don't see that ever happening.
But I don't really want BA to go away either.
However, the morality of this issue is hitting me smack in the face. I mean, I could have totally lied yesterday and faked my response. I'm usually fairly decent at telling people what they want to hear. But I couldn't do it.
And I feel pretty good about not lying and being upfront.
Problem is, I'm also feeling pretty crappy about losing BA.
What is a girl to do?
So there. Deal with it.
Some weird-ass things happened this weekend. I had a few dates with BA. And I stayed up really late. And I met a 13-year-old girl who decided to tell me her all about her ultra-crazy, very promiscious social life. And BA told me he loves me.
Yep. You read that right.
You see, I'm at an utter loss for words about this. I did NOT see that coming. Well, not all the way. I definitely saw that he was getting V-E-R-Y serious. And I knew that the terms of our original "arrangement" were breaking down. On both sides.
And I mentioned before that he had become very romantic and sweet and stuff. But I did NOT see the L word in our immediate future.
But anyway, it happened. And along with it came a truckload of problems...
It happened yesterday in a face-to-face discussion. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. That we are good together and I am good for him. That he didn't expect to fall in love with me when we first met, but that it just sorta happened.
Oh yeah, and that now I have to cut things off with MG. Or else.
W-T-F?!?!?!?!?!? (By the way, if I could have typed that in 80-pt. red typeface with bolding and underlining, and maybe some nice italics, I would have.)
Two words ran through my mind: Holy. Crap. (edited for content)
Now, I've known all along that BA knew about MG. The Puppetmaster took care of that. I was under the impression that the whole situation was kinda driving BA's interest - or at least making it more intense. It provided the fuel that made him try harder.
Here's where I messed up... I didn't realize BA didn't know how serious my thing with MG is. Meaning mainly that he didn't know it was also a sexual thing. Until I. Told. Him. Good God! That was NOT a PRETTY PICTURE! Thank you, Puppetmaster, for giving me whole story on that!
After that fiasco, the whole MG conversation was immediately ramped up to include phrases like:
If you don't end it with him, don't come back.
I don't want him to ever touch you again.
If you decide you love him and want to be with him, I am going to walk away.
If you love me, this shouldn't matter.
Never once did I lead BA to believe I was going to end things with MG. Quite the opposite, in fact, and for this I am proud. I could have straight-up lied and told him what he wanted to hear. And believe me I thought about it. But in the end, I couldn't manage it. So I decided to give him the whole truth no matter what the question was and not hold anything back. Which made for a very uncomfortable vibe.
He kept saying, "I'm waiting for the part where you say, 'Of course, baby. I will end things with him right away because I love you and I want to be with you.'" Yeah. That part didn't happen.
To tell you the truth, I was dying inside because I was imagining being on the other end of this. You know the feeling when you really want someone to say certain things or make things a certain way, and they just can't. And, well...I had some major awful New Guy flashbacks.
When I left, he gave me the ultimatum that if I didn't take care of things with MG, he was done. That he would continue to call me and TM me, but nothing else would be happening. He gave me a goodbye kiss and told me loved me.
And he has TM'd me twenty-or-so times since then.
Meanwhile, I am torturing myself over what to do here. You all KNOW I'm not about to break things off with MG. I don't see that ever happening.
But I don't really want BA to go away either.
However, the morality of this issue is hitting me smack in the face. I mean, I could have totally lied yesterday and faked my response. I'm usually fairly decent at telling people what they want to hear. But I couldn't do it.
And I feel pretty good about not lying and being upfront.
Problem is, I'm also feeling pretty crappy about losing BA.
What is a girl to do?
30.8.07
Deep in the Heart of Texas
The other thing MG & I talked about on Tuesday was going on a mini vacation in the fall. To be completely honest I am reluctant to even write about it out of fear that I will jinx it or something.
I have real cause to be superstitious about this, you know. Let's pause here for a second to remember the whole New Guy-vacation-thing. Do you remember? That horrible awful thing that started off really awesome and had all the good planning and got both of us really excited. And then it crashed and burned in a giant explosion? THAT SUCKED. So I'm a little apprehensive about getting all excited about my upcoming plans with MG.
However, I've decided that in case this DOES come to fruition, I need to tell you about it now so you know what in the bejeezus I'm talking about later on. The difference is, of course, that MG and I have a real thing. A relationship that has been going on, in some form or another, for over a year. And it's way more serious than New Guy was. I admit that if New Guy's Ex had not lost her ever-lovin' mind, we would have definitely had our weekend getaway and a lot of naked activities would have occurred. And I would have written about it in this blog, sans the graphic details, for days.
But I'm okay that whole thing went down the way it did. Because if she hadn't gone psycho, MG and I would not be where we are today. MG knew about New Guy and kept his distance because of it. It upset him, of course. And he didn't like it. But the bottom line is that this whole thing with us wouldn't have progressed while New Guy was in the picture.
So let's chalk this up to things happening for a reason and all that good stuff. I am over New Guy in a major way. Have you noticed how I've stopped writing about him (this entry not included)? We were never meant to be and I am fine with that. I hesitate to call him a rebound - for I really did like him. Just go back and read my first few entries...enough to make you want to puke, isn't it? But anyway, he has now moved onto Ex-Boyfriend Heaven, so to speak.
Getting back to the real topic, I really, really, really hope we get to take this trip together. It will be FANTASTIC!
The plan is to go to Dallas in November. Can you just imagine all the QT that will take place? And other stuff :-). We seriously need and want to hang out like real people and spend mass quantities of time together. It will help that we are going to another state and staying in a hotel with a Heavenly Bed, etc., etc.
So let's just hope I didn't just jinx the whole thing by documenting our plans in cyberspace. Though this will be relatively easy to arrange, there are a few little things (and people) that could cause a real snafu. If that happens, life will suck. And I WILL cry.
If this works out, some very wonderfully fantastic things will happen...deep in the heart of Texas.
I have real cause to be superstitious about this, you know. Let's pause here for a second to remember the whole New Guy-vacation-thing. Do you remember? That horrible awful thing that started off really awesome and had all the good planning and got both of us really excited. And then it crashed and burned in a giant explosion? THAT SUCKED. So I'm a little apprehensive about getting all excited about my upcoming plans with MG.
However, I've decided that in case this DOES come to fruition, I need to tell you about it now so you know what in the bejeezus I'm talking about later on. The difference is, of course, that MG and I have a real thing. A relationship that has been going on, in some form or another, for over a year. And it's way more serious than New Guy was. I admit that if New Guy's Ex had not lost her ever-lovin' mind, we would have definitely had our weekend getaway and a lot of naked activities would have occurred. And I would have written about it in this blog, sans the graphic details, for days.
But I'm okay that whole thing went down the way it did. Because if she hadn't gone psycho, MG and I would not be where we are today. MG knew about New Guy and kept his distance because of it. It upset him, of course. And he didn't like it. But the bottom line is that this whole thing with us wouldn't have progressed while New Guy was in the picture.
So let's chalk this up to things happening for a reason and all that good stuff. I am over New Guy in a major way. Have you noticed how I've stopped writing about him (this entry not included)? We were never meant to be and I am fine with that. I hesitate to call him a rebound - for I really did like him. Just go back and read my first few entries...enough to make you want to puke, isn't it? But anyway, he has now moved onto Ex-Boyfriend Heaven, so to speak.
Getting back to the real topic, I really, really, really hope we get to take this trip together. It will be FANTASTIC!
The plan is to go to Dallas in November. Can you just imagine all the QT that will take place? And other stuff :-). We seriously need and want to hang out like real people and spend mass quantities of time together. It will help that we are going to another state and staying in a hotel with a Heavenly Bed, etc., etc.
So let's just hope I didn't just jinx the whole thing by documenting our plans in cyberspace. Though this will be relatively easy to arrange, there are a few little things (and people) that could cause a real snafu. If that happens, life will suck. And I WILL cry.
If this works out, some very wonderfully fantastic things will happen...deep in the heart of Texas.
29.8.07
Numero Uno
Oh, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. The bus came to pick up my children today. And I had a spectacular date Tuesday night...
That's right. MG and I had a much-needed, long-awaited date, and it was nothing short of AWESOME. And if you thought I was lovey Monday, you should see the state I'm in right now. It's kinda disgusting, really.
I love this guy...seriously bad. And each day it gets more intense. Especially when we get to have these cool little dates and spend some QT together. For this is when the good stuff happens, y'all. And this is also when all the really good talking occurs.
Yesterday he opened up to me and we talked. It actually set my heart afire. Amidst the smoke and flames, I was comforted to know his thoughts and feelings. We bonded. Get your MINDS out of the GUTTER! I mean we bonded emotionally. We both care about each other deeply. We feel the same way. I already knew this without being told, but it's great to hear it and have the opportunity to talk about it.
So here's the thing - I think MG makes my mind quit working. Like I can't think straight and I've gone down double-digits in the IQ department. I think about pretty much nothing else besides him and I've been going through these weird waves of thoughts... Sometimes I can't believe this is really happening. I waited around for this to happen for such a long time and never actually thought it would. So I often find myself, in the midst of everything, sitting back and thinking, "Wow! Can this really be happening?" And then it feels right. My intuition and I both know this is true. I feel it in the core of my being, and I feel connected to him in the depths of my soul. After Tuesday night I feel it very strongly.
BTW, Wednesday was great, too. We had a great day filled with little conversations and looks and lunch. And even a nighttime phone call. A very sweet, flirty, oftentimes sexy phone call which also contained some really good everyday stuff. And the best part is that I didn't answer my phone right away (I was mowing grass) so I also have a COMPLETELY AWESOME voicemail message to relive whenever I want.
So, anyway, I didn't want our phone call to end last night. I could've stayed on that phone for a very long time. But, our situation will not allow such luxuries. So I enjoyed every last second of our phone time and then went to bed with lots and lots of happy, squishy feelings.
Let's talk about the happy squishies for a moment... I honestly don't remember having them with anyone else. Not like this, anyway. Definitely never with the Ex. And not with BA. BA can be romantic and loving. And, yes, he is attentive and a frequent communicator (big plus!). He is doing nothing wrong here. But he does not give me the happy squishies.
MG does. This is why he is Numero Uno and everybody else takes second place. And right about now he's so far out in front that no one can even get close enough to touch him.
That's right. MG and I had a much-needed, long-awaited date, and it was nothing short of AWESOME. And if you thought I was lovey Monday, you should see the state I'm in right now. It's kinda disgusting, really.
I love this guy...seriously bad. And each day it gets more intense. Especially when we get to have these cool little dates and spend some QT together. For this is when the good stuff happens, y'all. And this is also when all the really good talking occurs.
Yesterday he opened up to me and we talked. It actually set my heart afire. Amidst the smoke and flames, I was comforted to know his thoughts and feelings. We bonded. Get your MINDS out of the GUTTER! I mean we bonded emotionally. We both care about each other deeply. We feel the same way. I already knew this without being told, but it's great to hear it and have the opportunity to talk about it.
So here's the thing - I think MG makes my mind quit working. Like I can't think straight and I've gone down double-digits in the IQ department. I think about pretty much nothing else besides him and I've been going through these weird waves of thoughts... Sometimes I can't believe this is really happening. I waited around for this to happen for such a long time and never actually thought it would. So I often find myself, in the midst of everything, sitting back and thinking, "Wow! Can this really be happening?" And then it feels right. My intuition and I both know this is true. I feel it in the core of my being, and I feel connected to him in the depths of my soul. After Tuesday night I feel it very strongly.
BTW, Wednesday was great, too. We had a great day filled with little conversations and looks and lunch. And even a nighttime phone call. A very sweet, flirty, oftentimes sexy phone call which also contained some really good everyday stuff. And the best part is that I didn't answer my phone right away (I was mowing grass) so I also have a COMPLETELY AWESOME voicemail message to relive whenever I want.
So, anyway, I didn't want our phone call to end last night. I could've stayed on that phone for a very long time. But, our situation will not allow such luxuries. So I enjoyed every last second of our phone time and then went to bed with lots and lots of happy, squishy feelings.
Let's talk about the happy squishies for a moment... I honestly don't remember having them with anyone else. Not like this, anyway. Definitely never with the Ex. And not with BA. BA can be romantic and loving. And, yes, he is attentive and a frequent communicator (big plus!). He is doing nothing wrong here. But he does not give me the happy squishies.
MG does. This is why he is Numero Uno and everybody else takes second place. And right about now he's so far out in front that no one can even get close enough to touch him.
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