Queen of the World

Okay, kids. Here's the deal. I've had a good night's sleep and my mind is now clear - I have figured out what I'm going to do about BA.

And that is... I'm going to tell the truth - which means that will be a done deal. Here is how I came to that conclusion:

First of all, I spent all of yesterday looking at, flirting with, and talking to MG. And it was GREAT. He is a really sweet, loving man. There are many, many things about him I love. And there is this underlying sense of things just being right with him. I know it every time I see him. And yesterday I realized without a doubt that there is nothing that would ever happen to cause me to break things off with him. Like I would be more willing to lose a limb or an eye or the use of my faculties than that. Okay, I knew that WAY before yesterday, but anyway...

Also yesterday I received TMs from BA all day long. They were sweet, yes. And contained many ILYs, but there is something missing there. In a BIG WAY.

I realized along the way that even though BA is fun and attentive and loving, I think what makes me want to be around him the most is, well, the attention. I mean, it is FAN-TASTIC having someone to call you sweet little pet names and dote all over you and treat you like you are the Queen of the world. Who wouldn't love that?

I sure did. And I think I kinda became dependent on it. That is really what I don't want to stop. All the attention.

So anyway, last night I had a date with MG. He is the person I want to be with. He is the person I would drop anything (and anybody) for.

We had a very AWESOME date during which we did some driving and talking. It was great just to be with him. Then we went to the park where we sat by the water and enjoyed the stars. And talked some more. And stuff. And during all of that, there were several times when I looked into his eyes and just knew.

On the way home, I held his hand as we talked about our November trip. I think we have all the details worked out on that. And hopefully it will go off without a hitch. Because, MAN OH MAN, it will be fabulously wonderful!

Also on the way home we started to have a serious conversation. We started to talk about what was going to happen with us. But we decided to talk about it later. I'm not entirely sure where he was going with that. At this point I'm not going to be the one to bring it up. I know he is thinking about it a lot and I know he wants to talk to me about it. I'm leaving the timing up to him.

I know what I want him to say. And I know what I want to tell him. But I also understand the complexity of the issue. Nonetheless, I really do love him with all of my heart. Being with him truly makes me happier than anything BA does/did/could do. He makes me feel like the Queen of the World. I hope he knows that.