Holy Crap!

It is the start of a new week and I am operating on very little sleep. Plus there's a whole lotta stuff happening right now and I am confused and stressed out and cranky.

So there. Deal with it.

Some weird-ass things happened this weekend. I had a few dates with BA. And I stayed up really late. And I met a 13-year-old girl who decided to tell me her all about her ultra-crazy, very promiscious social life. And BA told me he loves me.

Yep. You read that right.

You see, I'm at an utter loss for words about this. I did NOT see that coming. Well, not all the way. I definitely saw that he was getting V-E-R-Y serious. And I knew that the terms of our original "arrangement" were breaking down. On both sides.

And I mentioned before that he had become very romantic and sweet and stuff. But I did NOT see the L word in our immediate future.

But anyway, it happened. And along with it came a truckload of problems...

It happened yesterday in a face-to-face discussion. He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. That we are good together and I am good for him. That he didn't expect to fall in love with me when we first met, but that it just sorta happened.

Oh yeah, and that now I have to cut things off with MG. Or else.

W-T-F?!?!?!?!?!? (By the way, if I could have typed that in 80-pt. red typeface with bolding and underlining, and maybe some nice italics, I would have.)

Two words ran through my mind: Holy. Crap. (edited for content)

Now, I've known all along that BA knew about MG. The Puppetmaster took care of that. I was under the impression that the whole situation was kinda driving BA's interest - or at least making it more intense. It provided the fuel that made him try harder.

Here's where I messed up... I didn't realize BA didn't know how serious my thing with MG is. Meaning mainly that he didn't know it was also a sexual thing. Until I. Told. Him. Good God! That was NOT a PRETTY PICTURE! Thank you, Puppetmaster, for giving me whole story on that!

After that fiasco, the whole MG conversation was immediately ramped up to include phrases like:
If you don't end it with him, don't come back.
I don't want him to ever touch you again.
If you decide you love him and want to be with him, I am going to walk away.
If you love me, this shouldn't matter.

Never once did I lead BA to believe I was going to end things with MG. Quite the opposite, in fact, and for this I am proud. I could have straight-up lied and told him what he wanted to hear. And believe me I thought about it. But in the end, I couldn't manage it. So I decided to give him the whole truth no matter what the question was and not hold anything back. Which made for a very uncomfortable vibe.

He kept saying, "I'm waiting for the part where you say, 'Of course, baby. I will end things with him right away because I love you and I want to be with you.'" Yeah. That part didn't happen.

To tell you the truth, I was dying inside because I was imagining being on the other end of this. You know the feeling when you really want someone to say certain things or make things a certain way, and they just can't. And, well...I had some major awful New Guy flashbacks.

When I left, he gave me the ultimatum that if I didn't take care of things with MG, he was done. That he would continue to call me and TM me, but nothing else would be happening. He gave me a goodbye kiss and told me loved me.

And he has TM'd me twenty-or-so times since then.

Meanwhile, I am torturing myself over what to do here. You all KNOW I'm not about to break things off with MG. I don't see that ever happening.

But I don't really want BA to go away either.

However, the morality of this issue is hitting me smack in the face. I mean, I could have totally lied yesterday and faked my response. I'm usually fairly decent at telling people what they want to hear. But I couldn't do it.

And I feel pretty good about not lying and being upfront.

Problem is, I'm also feeling pretty crappy about losing BA.

What is a girl to do?