Here's the situation: The person I am DYING to be with is having a major situation and we are on hold until it gets straightened out - which, by the sounds of things, might be sometime off. There is a mystery person out there with whom I have gotten very close in the last couple of weeks, but that is a totally complicated story. And Saturday night, I met some total bad-ass dude who tried his hardest to have a sleepover at my house.
So, WTF! When it rains, it pours?!?
I guess I'm not (really) complaining. In a way, I've been blessed by all this attention. But, DAMN IT, I'm totally pissed that none of this is very easy.
You see, I don't make tough decisions. Let me clarify that. I'm not saying I find making tough decisions to be difficult. I'm saying that when faced with a tough decision, I just DON'T MAKE ONE. I am perfectly content to put it on auto-pilot and let someone or something else decide the outcome.
Bad Trait #2: When I see something I want, it is hard for me to use common sense in deciding whether or not it is a good idea to pursue it. Like you, I have one of those "little voices" that tells me what I SHOULD do. I also have one of those little voices that wears the devil's costume and tells me what I WANT to do. And that second one speaks louder and doesn't take no for an answer. Add to the mix that in this case the "thing" I want is pursuing ME, and the ballgame is over.
On the one hand, it is absolutely wonderful whenever you meet someone with whom you totally click. And it's even better when you think that person is nothing short of Physically. Freakin'. Beautiful. The other thing fueling this is that I have lots and lots of history with him and we are V-E-R-Y close in a very-good-friend kind of way. But the scale has been tipping in the romantic direction for some time now, and recently we have both outed ourselves and our feelings. We may have even had a date. And stuff. But this is complicated and I know there is no real outcome here.
Then you have New Guy. New Guy is wonderful. He's amazing. He's sexy and sweet. Honest and understanding. He's tons of fun, a voracious talker, and a super great kisser. We have gone out several times and have built up quite an impressive reserve of sexual tension. He is the one with whom I could go for the long-term. But he's also the one with a psychotic Ex. And right now her psychosis is causing major problems. So we're on a break until that gets cleared up.
You remember that we (finally) talked last Friday when he laid all this out on the line for me. I think you all knew this was coming, and we mostly guessed the content. On a positive note, he does want to keep talking. So that's what we're going to do for now. No dates. No lunch dates. Just phone calls. Ugh! If you, too, are an impatient person, you can relate to my plight.
Onto the bad-ass guy from Saturday night. I'll just refer to him as BA for short. Physical description: Tall, dark hair, nice arms, good face, facial hair, total bad-ass. Personality description: Laid-back, quiet, sarcastic, total bad-ass. Favorite things: Alcoholic beverages, sports, and women.
I met BA at a friend's house. We had a mini get-together so we could entertain ourselves on a Saturday night, get drunk, and - oh yeah, so that BA and I could meet each other. I must say I was oddly nervous about this one. That could be because I had heard so many not-so-flattering stories about his cavorting. It could also be because of the other stuff going on in my life...but anyway.
We didn't talk to each other all that much. But we all did a lot of drinking. He got drunk and then had the bright idea that he should sleepover at my house. In my bed. With me. And, you know.
I said no. (Who's proud of me for that, huh?) Thing is, he kept on asking. How many times, you ask? Let's use 25 as a good ballpark number. At one point I asked why he wanted to (duh). He said, "Because, Baby, you're gorgeous and I love you." To which I erupted into a maniacal outburst of extreme laughter.
His reaction? Drunken sadness. And some raunchy descriptions of what he wanted to do to me. Because clearly if straight-up flattery doesn't work, pulling out all the nastiest, dirtiest comments about what you want to do to the other person will certainly get them in the sack. So I turned him down again. Don't get me wrong - there definitely was a point in my life where this would have had a different outcome. And I am willing to hang out with him in the future (probably in a group), because who knows what he's like when he's not hammered.
So I am contemplating calling New Guy tomorrow as part of our whole stay-in-touch, patience- building plan. I'll let you know how that goes.
I talked to Mystery Guy late last night, but he's out of town. So, I'm looking forward to talking to him tonight. In fact, we will probably be doing more talking this week than anything else because he will be out of town a lot.
And for now, BA will have to wait. Or make group plans.
I know on the surface this may seem like tons of fun. It's not. Certain parts are great. Like the attention and, well, the sex. But as things start to get very complicated, it kinda sucks to be me.
So if anyone's got any good advice, I'd love to hear it. If not, it's okay. You're all gorgeous, and I love you anyway :-)
27.7.07
Some Other Stuff for Your Reading Enjoyment
Yeah, I'm done with the crying now. I called Kelly and told her all about the phone call. She gave me her usual sage advice. You know, she is freakin' always right. About everything. No, no...let me restate that with an appropriate amount of emphasis. A-L-W-A-Y-S right A-B-O-U-T Every-FREAKIN'-Thing! Don't get me wrong, and Kel, I totally know you're reading this... I love it that you're always right. It's like having a crystal ball as your BFF. But, damn, you seriously need to market that talent or something. We would be rich!
You see, she was right about A LOT of stuff that happened this week. Like the type of right that is nothing short of extraordinary. And freaky. And, you know what? It's scaring me a little.
Some of that stuff I can't write about here. Something I have thought about/wanted/waited on for well over a year finally happened this week. And it's fairly A-W-E-S-O-M-E. That's all I can say. Trust me, I want to say MUCH, MUCH more. And there is MUCH, MUCH more to BE said. But, I can't. Hmmm...probably shouldn't have even brought it up...
So I'll end the week by giving you a mini-rundown of some of the more mundane/crazy events that have occurred in my life this week...
On Monday I went to lunch with our top client, Miss Sally, and ate 45 pounds of food. It was great fun. I love hanging out with Miss Sally because, well, she's a millionaire. And she's so cool about it. She is the epitome of old money. And going to lunch with Miss Sally is even better because I get to drink wine - major coolio!
On Tuesday Kelly and I took the girls to a Fancy Girly-Girl Lunch at Stella's. It was so cute. They got dressed up and we drank iced tea and lemonade out of big girl glasses and everything. Oh yeah, and we played I Spy. Some of us - no, wait - some of THEM were better than others, but that's okay. There's nothing better than having a girly-girl lunch and playing I Spy! Too cool. And that afternoon I decided to begin the daunting task of cleaning my house.
Yep. The house cleaning was fun. And was an activity enjoyed by many. With beer. And loud music. Tuesday night was very, very exciting. But I must leave it there - sorry.
Wednesday I went to the mall at lunch. And saw Hot Guess Guy. I think my heart stopped beating for three seconds. He is beautiful.
My friend, G, just had her pool dug this morning. Yippeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of us in the 'hood are planning on having some celebratory cocktails by the big, gaping hole in the earth. Maybe I'll fill G in on that later Ha Ha.
And you know the other events of this morning. The Ex has the kids. And I have some exciting plans for the weekend.
And some thinking to do...
The kind of thinking that is best done over beer... I'll let you know how that turns out on Monday.
You see, she was right about A LOT of stuff that happened this week. Like the type of right that is nothing short of extraordinary. And freaky. And, you know what? It's scaring me a little.
Some of that stuff I can't write about here. Something I have thought about/wanted/waited on for well over a year finally happened this week. And it's fairly A-W-E-S-O-M-E. That's all I can say. Trust me, I want to say MUCH, MUCH more. And there is MUCH, MUCH more to BE said. But, I can't. Hmmm...probably shouldn't have even brought it up...
So I'll end the week by giving you a mini-rundown of some of the more mundane/crazy events that have occurred in my life this week...
On Monday I went to lunch with our top client, Miss Sally, and ate 45 pounds of food. It was great fun. I love hanging out with Miss Sally because, well, she's a millionaire. And she's so cool about it. She is the epitome of old money. And going to lunch with Miss Sally is even better because I get to drink wine - major coolio!
On Tuesday Kelly and I took the girls to a Fancy Girly-Girl Lunch at Stella's. It was so cute. They got dressed up and we drank iced tea and lemonade out of big girl glasses and everything. Oh yeah, and we played I Spy. Some of us - no, wait - some of THEM were better than others, but that's okay. There's nothing better than having a girly-girl lunch and playing I Spy! Too cool. And that afternoon I decided to begin the daunting task of cleaning my house.
Yep. The house cleaning was fun. And was an activity enjoyed by many. With beer. And loud music. Tuesday night was very, very exciting. But I must leave it there - sorry.
Wednesday I went to the mall at lunch. And saw Hot Guess Guy. I think my heart stopped beating for three seconds. He is beautiful.
My friend, G, just had her pool dug this morning. Yippeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of us in the 'hood are planning on having some celebratory cocktails by the big, gaping hole in the earth. Maybe I'll fill G in on that later Ha Ha.
And you know the other events of this morning. The Ex has the kids. And I have some exciting plans for the weekend.
And some thinking to do...
The kind of thinking that is best done over beer... I'll let you know how that turns out on Monday.
The Phone Call
Well, I got the much anticipated phone call this morning. It came while I was getting ready for work. And it sucked.
It was one of those phone calls where you spend the entire time debating if this could possibly be for real. The whole time I kept wondering if I was really having that conversation. If he was really saying those things. And how I was going to deal with hearing it. I pretty much already knew I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. And it was such a jumbled mess I couldn't figure out if I was coming or going.
Basically, the story goes something like this... He is still having the major problems with the Ex. There is a lot of awful stuff going on. Like really awful. And it is dangerous for him and me to be doing this right now. When I saw dangerous, I really mean hazardous, perilous, and possibly fatal. I know, I know. I'm a huge exaggerator. And I'm a drama queen. But in this case, that is pretty darn accurate.
I have to stop right here and give New Guy tons of credit for being completely open and honest with me. He put everything he was thinking and feeling out of the line without interruption and explained exactly what was going on. It was good but it left me feeling kinda numb. The few times he stopped talking to see if I had anything to say, I couldn't say anything. I had nothing. Oh yeah, I did cry, though. (Relax, it wasn't the bawl-baby type of crying I do on the phone with many of you guys...nothing close to that dramatic. Just everyday run-of-the-mill low-key crying.)
Anyway, he said he didn't feel like he could put the time and effort into this that it deserved and that he wanted to give to it. Not until this other situation is cleared up. He doesn't want to continue on until it can be done the right way. He felt like it would be unfair to me (I guess he's right. Well, I know he's right.).
But on a lighter note, he said he still wants to talk. He asked me to call him anytime and said he would continue to call me until I told him not to. And that, once this is resolved, everything will be fine and we can pick up where we left off.
You know, in the midst of all this, he did drop a few very sincere and sweet lines. He really is a sweet, caring man. And he's one of the good ones. He's still stressed, but not quite as badly as he was a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully this time and space will give him the opportunity to get this taken care of. I hope this all works out quickly and easily for him.
All in all, I guess it's really not all that bad. I mean, it could be worse. And I'm glad we had this talk so that I understand what is going on. I'm also glad we are going to continue to talk to each other and hopefully things will work out. At this point I'm very confident they will. It's just a question of when that will happen. Okay, I feel some more crying coming on...
It was one of those phone calls where you spend the entire time debating if this could possibly be for real. The whole time I kept wondering if I was really having that conversation. If he was really saying those things. And how I was going to deal with hearing it. I pretty much already knew I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. And it was such a jumbled mess I couldn't figure out if I was coming or going.
Basically, the story goes something like this... He is still having the major problems with the Ex. There is a lot of awful stuff going on. Like really awful. And it is dangerous for him and me to be doing this right now. When I saw dangerous, I really mean hazardous, perilous, and possibly fatal. I know, I know. I'm a huge exaggerator. And I'm a drama queen. But in this case, that is pretty darn accurate.
I have to stop right here and give New Guy tons of credit for being completely open and honest with me. He put everything he was thinking and feeling out of the line without interruption and explained exactly what was going on. It was good but it left me feeling kinda numb. The few times he stopped talking to see if I had anything to say, I couldn't say anything. I had nothing. Oh yeah, I did cry, though. (Relax, it wasn't the bawl-baby type of crying I do on the phone with many of you guys...nothing close to that dramatic. Just everyday run-of-the-mill low-key crying.)
Anyway, he said he didn't feel like he could put the time and effort into this that it deserved and that he wanted to give to it. Not until this other situation is cleared up. He doesn't want to continue on until it can be done the right way. He felt like it would be unfair to me (I guess he's right. Well, I know he's right.).
But on a lighter note, he said he still wants to talk. He asked me to call him anytime and said he would continue to call me until I told him not to. And that, once this is resolved, everything will be fine and we can pick up where we left off.
You know, in the midst of all this, he did drop a few very sincere and sweet lines. He really is a sweet, caring man. And he's one of the good ones. He's still stressed, but not quite as badly as he was a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully this time and space will give him the opportunity to get this taken care of. I hope this all works out quickly and easily for him.
All in all, I guess it's really not all that bad. I mean, it could be worse. And I'm glad we had this talk so that I understand what is going on. I'm also glad we are going to continue to talk to each other and hopefully things will work out. At this point I'm very confident they will. It's just a question of when that will happen. Okay, I feel some more crying coming on...
19.7.07
Some Stuff I Forgot to Mention...
There is a story out there that I just have to tell. I eluded to it a few posts back -
Let me elaborate on last Saturday's adventures... P and I went down to the "docks" for dinner. We ate at a very trendy restaurant/bar that had live music and tons of people. We enjoyed the view for a while and then we weaseled our way into seats at the bar. We ordered up our first round of drinks (cosmos) and began discussing the three guys seated beside us. They were young, probably no older than 25 and can best be described as "bad-ass."
Y'all know I love a bad ass. Just not so sure about that whole 25 business. P, on the other hand, is down with that. So we decided that one of them looked like Sylvester Stallone and was clearly the brains of the group. (I know, oxymoron. But it's the truth.) He was seated right beside me and was obviously listening to our conversation. And being smartass women, we played that to our advantage a bit. I was saying something about how I should become a bartender so I could meet guys, when P said she would much rather be a dealer at a casino (I know, I was like WTF?) She went on to say that if she were a dealer, she would meet guys with money, while I as a bartender, I would only meet poor losers.
Sly couldn't take it anymore. He turned to us and jumped right in our conversation. Seeing as how he was just labeled as a poor loser by default, he eloquently provided his counterpoints. And he was kinda cute about it. His buddies were far less articulate, but perhaps cuter. (Not that any of this matters, you guys. I was SO not there to actually pick up a man.)
Side note: Kelly and I are planning on getting tattoos in the near future. And because this is a major life decision, and I can't make major life decisions without taking votes, I have been on a Tattoo Pro & Con Campaign for the past month. I have asked everyone I know and lots of people I met on the street, in Target, and at bars, their opinions on the following:
Do they like tattoos?
Is is okay for a girl to get a tattoo?
What is the best place for a girl to get her tattoo?
This is a summary of the data I have collected:
I have to say that it's probably 75/25 against tattoos altogether. I have even encountered three people WITH tattoos who now claim to hate them. And frankly, I saw some 60-year-old woman with a now rather nasty tattoo at the water park last week. So I see the point.
It is more like 90/10 against a girl getting a tattoo. Unless you are a woman, and then out of sheer femininism, most women will say something like, "I could never get one. But I definitely think you should! You go, Girl!" Which leads me to think they just don't have the guts or more likely, their boyfriends/husbands follow the 90/10 rule on this subject.
I must also state that the men with whom I have some sort of something going on have all said, "Absolutely, you should get a tattoo. It would be so hot!" New Guy is included in this group. And he does NOT have any tattoos himself. But you know what? New Guy also loves a tan, hates tanlines, adores long hair, long legs and boobs, and loves an outgoing personality. So since, I have a tan, no tan lines, long blonde hair, long legs, some pretty cool boobs (if I do say so myself), and am completely Type A, I don't think a tattoo will disqualify me at this point.
Getting back to the subject at hand, all middle-aged women that I have asked have said there is never a good reason for a girl to get a tattoo. Period. (With the exception of my mother, who at 69 years-old, would love to get a tattoo. Imagine a little Irish woman with fire-red hair and glow-in-the-dark pale skin getting inked at the local tattoo parlor.)
Oddly enough, many 20-something men have said tattoos on a girl are a no-go. Yeah, I don't get it. But I also see many, many young girls with tattoos. And more and more 30-something moms with multiple tattoos (going to the pool a lot enables one to gain quite the education on this subject).
And finally, almost all of the tattoo-friendly men say the best place for a girl to get a tattoo is on the small of her back. The trusty Tramp Stamp. Nice. New Guy and The Boss both agree on this subject. And in fact, that is precisely where mine is going if I get the courage to go through with it.
BTW, my Ex says no way to a girl with a tattoo and thinks I've lost my marbles. He almost stroked out when I told him about the Tramp Stamp idea. He thinks the one and only reason a guy would think this was hot is so they would have "something to look at." He's so sweet and contemporary. And he speaks so eloquently. I can't believe we're divorced. Ha Ha
Now getting back to Saturday night... Somewhere along the line, I noticed that one of the less-intelligent guys at the bar had a very nice armband tattoo. So I leaned over and asked him where he got it, telling him my plans for my Tramp Stamp. That opened the door for some interesting conversations down the line. And while they were (mostly) cute, P and I quickly decided to turn our attentions elsewhere. Because there was a rather attractive, dark-haired guy eyeing us across the room. We had lots of fun with that. That is, until some OLD dude approached me.
He leads in with this line..."Hey. Don't you go to the gym all the time? I see you there a lot." Seriously. While this is cheesy and weird and honestly triggered my gag reflex, I quickly realized he was serious. Because it WAS the old, creepy guy from the gym. The one my workout buddies and I dubbed "Papa Smurf." The one who looks like he walked straight out of a 1970s porno. The one who gawks at our boobs and is nasty.
I must say, he cleans up rather well. He was at the bar alone. As in - by himself. And he was invading our space. And being creepy again. He actually is a kinda nice guy. He didn't say anything inappropriate and he didn't stare (that much) at my boobs. Then he left.
And then our young friends decided to head out. But before they did, Sly came over and gave us a group hug. A surprise group hug is never good. Especially when it involves your boobs. They were angling for us to leave with them, but we shut that down. And then we laughed and laughed and laughed. And drank more cosmos.
Let me elaborate on last Saturday's adventures... P and I went down to the "docks" for dinner. We ate at a very trendy restaurant/bar that had live music and tons of people. We enjoyed the view for a while and then we weaseled our way into seats at the bar. We ordered up our first round of drinks (cosmos) and began discussing the three guys seated beside us. They were young, probably no older than 25 and can best be described as "bad-ass."
Y'all know I love a bad ass. Just not so sure about that whole 25 business. P, on the other hand, is down with that. So we decided that one of them looked like Sylvester Stallone and was clearly the brains of the group. (I know, oxymoron. But it's the truth.) He was seated right beside me and was obviously listening to our conversation. And being smartass women, we played that to our advantage a bit. I was saying something about how I should become a bartender so I could meet guys, when P said she would much rather be a dealer at a casino (I know, I was like WTF?) She went on to say that if she were a dealer, she would meet guys with money, while I as a bartender, I would only meet poor losers.
Sly couldn't take it anymore. He turned to us and jumped right in our conversation. Seeing as how he was just labeled as a poor loser by default, he eloquently provided his counterpoints. And he was kinda cute about it. His buddies were far less articulate, but perhaps cuter. (Not that any of this matters, you guys. I was SO not there to actually pick up a man.)
Side note: Kelly and I are planning on getting tattoos in the near future. And because this is a major life decision, and I can't make major life decisions without taking votes, I have been on a Tattoo Pro & Con Campaign for the past month. I have asked everyone I know and lots of people I met on the street, in Target, and at bars, their opinions on the following:
Do they like tattoos?
Is is okay for a girl to get a tattoo?
What is the best place for a girl to get her tattoo?
This is a summary of the data I have collected:
I have to say that it's probably 75/25 against tattoos altogether. I have even encountered three people WITH tattoos who now claim to hate them. And frankly, I saw some 60-year-old woman with a now rather nasty tattoo at the water park last week. So I see the point.
It is more like 90/10 against a girl getting a tattoo. Unless you are a woman, and then out of sheer femininism, most women will say something like, "I could never get one. But I definitely think you should! You go, Girl!" Which leads me to think they just don't have the guts or more likely, their boyfriends/husbands follow the 90/10 rule on this subject.
I must also state that the men with whom I have some sort of something going on have all said, "Absolutely, you should get a tattoo. It would be so hot!" New Guy is included in this group. And he does NOT have any tattoos himself. But you know what? New Guy also loves a tan, hates tanlines, adores long hair, long legs and boobs, and loves an outgoing personality. So since, I have a tan, no tan lines, long blonde hair, long legs, some pretty cool boobs (if I do say so myself), and am completely Type A, I don't think a tattoo will disqualify me at this point.
Getting back to the subject at hand, all middle-aged women that I have asked have said there is never a good reason for a girl to get a tattoo. Period. (With the exception of my mother, who at 69 years-old, would love to get a tattoo. Imagine a little Irish woman with fire-red hair and glow-in-the-dark pale skin getting inked at the local tattoo parlor.)
Oddly enough, many 20-something men have said tattoos on a girl are a no-go. Yeah, I don't get it. But I also see many, many young girls with tattoos. And more and more 30-something moms with multiple tattoos (going to the pool a lot enables one to gain quite the education on this subject).
And finally, almost all of the tattoo-friendly men say the best place for a girl to get a tattoo is on the small of her back. The trusty Tramp Stamp. Nice. New Guy and The Boss both agree on this subject. And in fact, that is precisely where mine is going if I get the courage to go through with it.
BTW, my Ex says no way to a girl with a tattoo and thinks I've lost my marbles. He almost stroked out when I told him about the Tramp Stamp idea. He thinks the one and only reason a guy would think this was hot is so they would have "something to look at." He's so sweet and contemporary. And he speaks so eloquently. I can't believe we're divorced. Ha Ha
Now getting back to Saturday night... Somewhere along the line, I noticed that one of the less-intelligent guys at the bar had a very nice armband tattoo. So I leaned over and asked him where he got it, telling him my plans for my Tramp Stamp. That opened the door for some interesting conversations down the line. And while they were (mostly) cute, P and I quickly decided to turn our attentions elsewhere. Because there was a rather attractive, dark-haired guy eyeing us across the room. We had lots of fun with that. That is, until some OLD dude approached me.
He leads in with this line..."Hey. Don't you go to the gym all the time? I see you there a lot." Seriously. While this is cheesy and weird and honestly triggered my gag reflex, I quickly realized he was serious. Because it WAS the old, creepy guy from the gym. The one my workout buddies and I dubbed "Papa Smurf." The one who looks like he walked straight out of a 1970s porno. The one who gawks at our boobs and is nasty.
I must say, he cleans up rather well. He was at the bar alone. As in - by himself. And he was invading our space. And being creepy again. He actually is a kinda nice guy. He didn't say anything inappropriate and he didn't stare (that much) at my boobs. Then he left.
And then our young friends decided to head out. But before they did, Sly came over and gave us a group hug. A surprise group hug is never good. Especially when it involves your boobs. They were angling for us to leave with them, but we shut that down. And then we laughed and laughed and laughed. And drank more cosmos.
Thursday
Yep. That's the title of my post. It is brief yet accurate. Understated and simple. Actually, I'm just not feeling very creative today. A direct result of getting up at 3 in the morning.
First, please let me apologize for the crazy stuff that happened with my previous three posts. In my rush to get everyone caught up, I posted the entries out of order. "Breaking Point" should have been the most recent entry. And I also realize that I started typing a sentence in there and then forgot to finish it... Something about taking a phone call or doing actual "job" work or something. So this is what I should have said... The second book I picked up in the bookstore had the following sentence on the back cover: "Getting out of the mental hospital wasn't all MyName hoped it would be." So, see now why it scared the pants off of me? I also forgot to even mention that one of the other books I picked up contained the following quote: "You don't begin to live until you've lost everything." Funny stuff, huh? More like a cruel joke.
Anyway, a million thanks to all of you reading this for NOT calling and/or emailing me to point out my mistakes. I see you have all realized the vulnerable state I'm in right now. I'm taking it as a sign of true love.
Moving on...
I made an appointment with the aforementioned psychologist. I will be paying $175/hour for the first session and $120/hour for each additional session. So the way I see it is that she is planning on bleeding me dry so that all of my other problems don't seem so bad. All I can say is she better be damn good.
If you haven't already guessed, I still haven't talked to New Guy. And I just can't even begin to talk about it right now. Every time I even sorta thought about it yesterday, I cried. Even in public. So to make sure I don't have to think about it, I've been filling my time with various other activities.
On Tuesday, I went to work out with P. I had quite a different workout experience than I am used to. She totally sees the gym as a social experiment. I'm all about being social. I love it, actually. So this worked out well for me. I'm just not used to scoping out guys while I'm drenched in sweat or panting on the elliptical machine. But whatever. She also made me do 300 stomach crunches. Not in a row. But still - 300! We had tons of fun people-watching. The only bad part was that the majority of the male gym-goers that day were 50+ years old. Come to think of it, that may be why we spent so much time working on our abs. And laughing. The laughing was good, too.
After the gym, Kelly and I took all the kids to my oldest son's baseball all-star game, where he got a really cool award. We ate some hot dogs, fed the kids some candy, let them get dirty, socialized a little, then went home.
And then a funny thing happened. I got a late night phone call from my boss. Ah, the boss. I have yet to write about him. Probably because he's complex. That - and I'm just not sure what I want to say. In fact, he most likely deserves his very own post. So for now, I will leave it to your imagination.
But anyway, the phone call. He actually called me Monday night, too. He is worried about me. More precisely, he thought I was mad at him for something. So we had a long discussion during which I gave him the vague details of what's going on with me right now. We talked about it more in-depth on Tuesday morning. And Tuesday afternoon. And then I got the phone call at 10 p.m.
He was on his way home from golf league. He was thinking about me. Wanted to make sure I was okay before I went to bed. We had "normal" everyday conversation in there, too. He is very sweet. Yes, I know what you're thinking. I'm not quite sure what is going on here, either. But to tell you the truth, it made me feel a lot better. And it gave me something to ponder.
Wednesday, we talked again. All was good. Then Kelly came to go to lunch with me and do some shopping. We tried to check out Hot Guess Guy, but he wasn't working - again. So we bought jeans instead. And then I went back to work. At the end of the day, I walked out to the parking lot with my boss where we continued our discussion from before. We talked about how his brother is coming into town for the next few days and made plans to go to breakfast early Monday morning so I could meet him. And he gave me another pep talk before we left. He will be out of town for the rest of the week, so I guess this was just meant to get me through. But he also asked me to call him Thursday morning.
So here we are at Thursday morning. I was gonna call him around lunchtime. But I got the first text message at 9:24 a.m. And we've been back and forth since then. So whatever is going on here, I don't understand. That is because neither one of us has ever had enough guts to be very clear about it. Oh, yeah - he's married, too. Therein lies the problem. That, and I'm way into New Guy. But the thing is that New Guy is temporarily out of the picture, and The Boss is way hot and looks like Rob Estes and is sweet, and even though I realize he's married, he actually checks up on me and confides in me and gets me, and...see the problem???
But backing up to last night, I want to mention that I spent the entire afternoon/evening/night at home alone with the kids. None of us went anywhere. That's very unusual, especially ever since I've hit this Go! Go! Go! stride. You all know how much I HATE being alone. And I define being "alone" as not being in a group of people or not being at someone else's house or not being "out and about." I didn't even go to the gym yesterday. I stayed home and read books. And I was very conscious of my alone-dom during that time. In fact, I was quite miserable by 8 p.m. Especially because it rained. Obviously, being "alone" didn't kill me or anything. But it SUCKED nonetheless. And I'm currently thinking about things to do tonight so it doesn't happen again. And I'm also trying to talk myself out of calling New Guy. We'll see how that goes.
Thursday is shaping up to be a very interesting day.
First, please let me apologize for the crazy stuff that happened with my previous three posts. In my rush to get everyone caught up, I posted the entries out of order. "Breaking Point" should have been the most recent entry. And I also realize that I started typing a sentence in there and then forgot to finish it... Something about taking a phone call or doing actual "job" work or something. So this is what I should have said... The second book I picked up in the bookstore had the following sentence on the back cover: "Getting out of the mental hospital wasn't all MyName hoped it would be." So, see now why it scared the pants off of me? I also forgot to even mention that one of the other books I picked up contained the following quote: "You don't begin to live until you've lost everything." Funny stuff, huh? More like a cruel joke.
Anyway, a million thanks to all of you reading this for NOT calling and/or emailing me to point out my mistakes. I see you have all realized the vulnerable state I'm in right now. I'm taking it as a sign of true love.
Moving on...
I made an appointment with the aforementioned psychologist. I will be paying $175/hour for the first session and $120/hour for each additional session. So the way I see it is that she is planning on bleeding me dry so that all of my other problems don't seem so bad. All I can say is she better be damn good.
If you haven't already guessed, I still haven't talked to New Guy. And I just can't even begin to talk about it right now. Every time I even sorta thought about it yesterday, I cried. Even in public. So to make sure I don't have to think about it, I've been filling my time with various other activities.
On Tuesday, I went to work out with P. I had quite a different workout experience than I am used to. She totally sees the gym as a social experiment. I'm all about being social. I love it, actually. So this worked out well for me. I'm just not used to scoping out guys while I'm drenched in sweat or panting on the elliptical machine. But whatever. She also made me do 300 stomach crunches. Not in a row. But still - 300! We had tons of fun people-watching. The only bad part was that the majority of the male gym-goers that day were 50+ years old. Come to think of it, that may be why we spent so much time working on our abs. And laughing. The laughing was good, too.
After the gym, Kelly and I took all the kids to my oldest son's baseball all-star game, where he got a really cool award. We ate some hot dogs, fed the kids some candy, let them get dirty, socialized a little, then went home.
And then a funny thing happened. I got a late night phone call from my boss. Ah, the boss. I have yet to write about him. Probably because he's complex. That - and I'm just not sure what I want to say. In fact, he most likely deserves his very own post. So for now, I will leave it to your imagination.
But anyway, the phone call. He actually called me Monday night, too. He is worried about me. More precisely, he thought I was mad at him for something. So we had a long discussion during which I gave him the vague details of what's going on with me right now. We talked about it more in-depth on Tuesday morning. And Tuesday afternoon. And then I got the phone call at 10 p.m.
He was on his way home from golf league. He was thinking about me. Wanted to make sure I was okay before I went to bed. We had "normal" everyday conversation in there, too. He is very sweet. Yes, I know what you're thinking. I'm not quite sure what is going on here, either. But to tell you the truth, it made me feel a lot better. And it gave me something to ponder.
Wednesday, we talked again. All was good. Then Kelly came to go to lunch with me and do some shopping. We tried to check out Hot Guess Guy, but he wasn't working - again. So we bought jeans instead. And then I went back to work. At the end of the day, I walked out to the parking lot with my boss where we continued our discussion from before. We talked about how his brother is coming into town for the next few days and made plans to go to breakfast early Monday morning so I could meet him. And he gave me another pep talk before we left. He will be out of town for the rest of the week, so I guess this was just meant to get me through. But he also asked me to call him Thursday morning.
So here we are at Thursday morning. I was gonna call him around lunchtime. But I got the first text message at 9:24 a.m. And we've been back and forth since then. So whatever is going on here, I don't understand. That is because neither one of us has ever had enough guts to be very clear about it. Oh, yeah - he's married, too. Therein lies the problem. That, and I'm way into New Guy. But the thing is that New Guy is temporarily out of the picture, and The Boss is way hot and looks like Rob Estes and is sweet, and even though I realize he's married, he actually checks up on me and confides in me and gets me, and...see the problem???
But backing up to last night, I want to mention that I spent the entire afternoon/evening/night at home alone with the kids. None of us went anywhere. That's very unusual, especially ever since I've hit this Go! Go! Go! stride. You all know how much I HATE being alone. And I define being "alone" as not being in a group of people or not being at someone else's house or not being "out and about." I didn't even go to the gym yesterday. I stayed home and read books. And I was very conscious of my alone-dom during that time. In fact, I was quite miserable by 8 p.m. Especially because it rained. Obviously, being "alone" didn't kill me or anything. But it SUCKED nonetheless. And I'm currently thinking about things to do tonight so it doesn't happen again. And I'm also trying to talk myself out of calling New Guy. We'll see how that goes.
Thursday is shaping up to be a very interesting day.
17.7.07
I've Just Witnessed a Trainwreck and I Can't Stop Staring...
He didn't call that night. I didn't expect to hear from him over the weekend, which was good, because I didn't. But Saturday afternoon I had a long conversation with his sister during which she filled me in on the details of what happened over July 4. All the ugly stuff. And she scared the bejeezus out of me by telling me how scared I should be of the ex-wife. After that, I was very scared for New Guy's well-being and state-of-mind.
I was looking forward to Monday when he would call and fill me in on the details of his weekend.
Let me add a plot twist here. On Monday, I went with Kelly and New Guy's sister to a water park with all the kids. It was a great day, really. I actually met his mom and sat in the living room of the house in which he grew up. Taking it all in. She is very much like him - she is outgoing and talkative, very Type A. And they have the same eyes. I was instructed before arriving that she didn't know about us and was not to find out. Now I didn't know before I got there that I would be there first and would have the potential for this one-on-one conversation. But whatever. I seriously loved talking to her. Turns out she already knew about me. And since neither one of us said anything, I think we both felt like we had missed an opportunity there.
He didn't call Monday night either. I sat back and did nothing until Tuesday around lunchtime, when he didn't answer his phone and I left a message. He didn't call me back. I started to freak major. He didn't call Wednesday. He didn't call Thursday. At this point, I am seriously worried. Not about us. But about him. I knew this had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with the stuff with the ex-wife. Everyone kept trying to reassure me of that. Everything was perfect when I last saw him. Nothing bad had happened between us. Hell, we were making plans to go away together. And knowing all the stuff with the other situation, I knew it had everything to do with that. On Thursday night I left a message saying that I was worried about him and I understood all the stuff that was going on. And I ended by saying that I was here for him if he wanted to talk about it.
He didn't call on Friday, either. It just so happened that Friday morning, I was in his area running some errands. I knew he was at work. I called and left a message saying I was in his area and was wondering if he wanted to go to lunch, and it was such a rambling message that by the end, I was pulling into the parking lot and I would just come ask him in person.
He met me in the parking lot. He didn't seem upset to me. He explained what I already knew. He was having a really bad time right now with the ex. He was completely out of sorts. He hadn't talked to anybody all week. Not his parents. Not his friends. Not his coworkers, etc. He said he was sorry that he hadn't called me back. He had picked up the phone a couple of times, but he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to make me thing it was me, but knew he couldn't shake his attitude and thought I would take it personally (he's probably right). He told me no less than a dozen times not to take it personally. That he loves spending time with me and that I've been really supportive and great. I could see the pain he was going through. And trust me, the situation is bad. No doubt about it. It was hard for me to listen to him talk about it - which we did for half an hour.
I really didn't and still don't take it personally. He said to be patient and give him a few days to get through this. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me good-bye. And I am still waiting to hear from him.
In the meantime, I spent the whole weekend pretty much alone. Definitely missing New Guy. I was also very upset because I know what he's going through. And I'm more than a little worried about him. Kelly saw him at a family birthday party on Saturday and said he was still very out-of-sorts. Very upset. So I know he is still having a hard time. And it's killing me that I can't be there for him.
But over the weekend, I stayed busy. I took the kids to the pool Saturday, then went out with my friend P. Went went to a couple of hot spots and tried our best to have fun. Don't get me wrong, we definitely did have fun. I will write about that later. But it wasn't the same. And Sunday, I spent most of my time alone. I did a lot of thinking and a lot of evaluating. And reality did a number on me. All of a sudden, I felt very alone. The stuff I hadn't yet dealt with from my divorce hit me like a ton of bricks.
I didn't expect this. I imagine it's normal, but I have no clue how to deal with it. I have shed a lot of tears over the past few days. And my friends are concerned. They have every reason to be. I'm pretty concerned, too. So it feels like my life is a trainwreck and I can't quit staring at it. Now I have to figure out how to move past this...
I was looking forward to Monday when he would call and fill me in on the details of his weekend.
Let me add a plot twist here. On Monday, I went with Kelly and New Guy's sister to a water park with all the kids. It was a great day, really. I actually met his mom and sat in the living room of the house in which he grew up. Taking it all in. She is very much like him - she is outgoing and talkative, very Type A. And they have the same eyes. I was instructed before arriving that she didn't know about us and was not to find out. Now I didn't know before I got there that I would be there first and would have the potential for this one-on-one conversation. But whatever. I seriously loved talking to her. Turns out she already knew about me. And since neither one of us said anything, I think we both felt like we had missed an opportunity there.
He didn't call Monday night either. I sat back and did nothing until Tuesday around lunchtime, when he didn't answer his phone and I left a message. He didn't call me back. I started to freak major. He didn't call Wednesday. He didn't call Thursday. At this point, I am seriously worried. Not about us. But about him. I knew this had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with the stuff with the ex-wife. Everyone kept trying to reassure me of that. Everything was perfect when I last saw him. Nothing bad had happened between us. Hell, we were making plans to go away together. And knowing all the stuff with the other situation, I knew it had everything to do with that. On Thursday night I left a message saying that I was worried about him and I understood all the stuff that was going on. And I ended by saying that I was here for him if he wanted to talk about it.
He didn't call on Friday, either. It just so happened that Friday morning, I was in his area running some errands. I knew he was at work. I called and left a message saying I was in his area and was wondering if he wanted to go to lunch, and it was such a rambling message that by the end, I was pulling into the parking lot and I would just come ask him in person.
He met me in the parking lot. He didn't seem upset to me. He explained what I already knew. He was having a really bad time right now with the ex. He was completely out of sorts. He hadn't talked to anybody all week. Not his parents. Not his friends. Not his coworkers, etc. He said he was sorry that he hadn't called me back. He had picked up the phone a couple of times, but he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to make me thing it was me, but knew he couldn't shake his attitude and thought I would take it personally (he's probably right). He told me no less than a dozen times not to take it personally. That he loves spending time with me and that I've been really supportive and great. I could see the pain he was going through. And trust me, the situation is bad. No doubt about it. It was hard for me to listen to him talk about it - which we did for half an hour.
I really didn't and still don't take it personally. He said to be patient and give him a few days to get through this. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me good-bye. And I am still waiting to hear from him.
In the meantime, I spent the whole weekend pretty much alone. Definitely missing New Guy. I was also very upset because I know what he's going through. And I'm more than a little worried about him. Kelly saw him at a family birthday party on Saturday and said he was still very out-of-sorts. Very upset. So I know he is still having a hard time. And it's killing me that I can't be there for him.
But over the weekend, I stayed busy. I took the kids to the pool Saturday, then went out with my friend P. Went went to a couple of hot spots and tried our best to have fun. Don't get me wrong, we definitely did have fun. I will write about that later. But it wasn't the same. And Sunday, I spent most of my time alone. I did a lot of thinking and a lot of evaluating. And reality did a number on me. All of a sudden, I felt very alone. The stuff I hadn't yet dealt with from my divorce hit me like a ton of bricks.
I didn't expect this. I imagine it's normal, but I have no clue how to deal with it. I have shed a lot of tears over the past few days. And my friends are concerned. They have every reason to be. I'm pretty concerned, too. So it feels like my life is a trainwreck and I can't quit staring at it. Now I have to figure out how to move past this...
Let's Play Catch (Up)
Wow. A whole Hell of a lot of stuff has happened since my last post.
New Guy and I had several really awesome phone calls during the week and our conversations had become pretty open since our Conflict Resolution Exercise. That Thursday he asked me if I wanted to go away with him for a weekend. Well, duh! Of course I do! So I was given the task of planning that out - anywhere I wanted to go.
And then on Saturday we had our second date. Dinner and lots of talking. We even talked about our upcoming vacation. And we talked about our exes and kids and everyday stuff. And we may have discussed wanting to see each other naked :-) New Guy suggested that we "wait" until the vaca for anything requiring one or both of us to be naked to happen. And it felt like a real relationship for the first time.
Plus we did some more of that making out stuff we are so fond of. In public. With the really good kissing. (I know this is TMI - but shut up!) And somewhere along the line, things changed. They became more... what's the word??? Personal. All was right in my world.
He called me Sunday night and Monday night. I called him on Tuesday (July 3) and left him a message. Then he didn't call me back. Then nothing on July 4. Now, you know me. You know how much this type of behavior freaks me out. But I was okay with it this time since it was a holiday. I figured he was busy with his kids. No biggee. So I went to a couple of parties and consumed some alcoholic beverages and was fine. But when I hadn't heard from him by 5 p.m. on Thursday, I freaked big time. And when I freak - I shop. For this particular freak-out, I went to Kohl's for some new bedding. Hey - I need new bedding. It's just something you like to replace after a divorce, if you know what I'm sayin'. (stop looking at me like that!)
And as I was agonizing over which pattern would not have to cause me to repaint my bedroom, he called. And we had a wonderful conversation! He had an excellent explanation for his being incommunicado for the past 2 1/2 days. Without going into details, it had to do with his ex-wife being a complete psycho. He had a lot to deal with. Major stuff. He said he didn't want to make me upset or make me think it was me. And he apologized. So I put down the comforter set and went and bought cute underwear instead.
Then we continued our conversation later that night. Which has never happened before. But like I mentioned before, something clicked after that second date. And we had quite possibly the best phone conversation I've ever had. Very romantic and sweet. And personal. And it was actually spoken aloud that we are "dating" (an assumption I was afraid to jump to before). We were honestly having the best phone call ever - the kind you don't want to end. So we made plans to go to lunch the next day (Yay!).
Our lunch date was absolutely fabulous. I took along some stuff I printed from the internet regarding our little weekend vacation (forgot to mention that I booked a couple of rooms so we would have something to choose from). He was totally onboard with my plans. He picked the suite with the jacuzzi, a separate bedroom, and a full kitchen/dining room so we could cook dinner together. Yeah, I'm seeing us not really needed to be dressed during this entire thing. I may have mentioned that I bought a teeny tiny bikini for this very occassion. And we got so excited that neither one of us finished our lunch. He gave me a very nice kiss in the car on the way back to work, followed by a mini makeout session in the parking lot. Yes, I love the kissing.
I was trying to get as much of that kissing in because he was going out of town with the kids for the weekend. On his way out of the car, he said he would call me that night when they arrived at their destination. And I sat there for a minute taking everything in.
Have you enjoyed the story thusfar? I really, really hope so. Because this is where the good stuff stops and the awful stuff starts... Read on - if you dare...
New Guy and I had several really awesome phone calls during the week and our conversations had become pretty open since our Conflict Resolution Exercise. That Thursday he asked me if I wanted to go away with him for a weekend. Well, duh! Of course I do! So I was given the task of planning that out - anywhere I wanted to go.
And then on Saturday we had our second date. Dinner and lots of talking. We even talked about our upcoming vacation. And we talked about our exes and kids and everyday stuff. And we may have discussed wanting to see each other naked :-) New Guy suggested that we "wait" until the vaca for anything requiring one or both of us to be naked to happen. And it felt like a real relationship for the first time.
Plus we did some more of that making out stuff we are so fond of. In public. With the really good kissing. (I know this is TMI - but shut up!) And somewhere along the line, things changed. They became more... what's the word??? Personal. All was right in my world.
He called me Sunday night and Monday night. I called him on Tuesday (July 3) and left him a message. Then he didn't call me back. Then nothing on July 4. Now, you know me. You know how much this type of behavior freaks me out. But I was okay with it this time since it was a holiday. I figured he was busy with his kids. No biggee. So I went to a couple of parties and consumed some alcoholic beverages and was fine. But when I hadn't heard from him by 5 p.m. on Thursday, I freaked big time. And when I freak - I shop. For this particular freak-out, I went to Kohl's for some new bedding. Hey - I need new bedding. It's just something you like to replace after a divorce, if you know what I'm sayin'. (stop looking at me like that!)
And as I was agonizing over which pattern would not have to cause me to repaint my bedroom, he called. And we had a wonderful conversation! He had an excellent explanation for his being incommunicado for the past 2 1/2 days. Without going into details, it had to do with his ex-wife being a complete psycho. He had a lot to deal with. Major stuff. He said he didn't want to make me upset or make me think it was me. And he apologized. So I put down the comforter set and went and bought cute underwear instead.
Then we continued our conversation later that night. Which has never happened before. But like I mentioned before, something clicked after that second date. And we had quite possibly the best phone conversation I've ever had. Very romantic and sweet. And personal. And it was actually spoken aloud that we are "dating" (an assumption I was afraid to jump to before). We were honestly having the best phone call ever - the kind you don't want to end. So we made plans to go to lunch the next day (Yay!).
Our lunch date was absolutely fabulous. I took along some stuff I printed from the internet regarding our little weekend vacation (forgot to mention that I booked a couple of rooms so we would have something to choose from). He was totally onboard with my plans. He picked the suite with the jacuzzi, a separate bedroom, and a full kitchen/dining room so we could cook dinner together. Yeah, I'm seeing us not really needed to be dressed during this entire thing. I may have mentioned that I bought a teeny tiny bikini for this very occassion. And we got so excited that neither one of us finished our lunch. He gave me a very nice kiss in the car on the way back to work, followed by a mini makeout session in the parking lot. Yes, I love the kissing.
I was trying to get as much of that kissing in because he was going out of town with the kids for the weekend. On his way out of the car, he said he would call me that night when they arrived at their destination. And I sat there for a minute taking everything in.
Have you enjoyed the story thusfar? I really, really hope so. Because this is where the good stuff stops and the awful stuff starts... Read on - if you dare...
16.7.07
Breaking Point...
Okay, so yesterday I decided while I was laying in bed at 11:30 a.m. that I need counseling. I don't suppose this is a surprise to you guys, but it was a total shocker to me. Nonetheless, I woke up yesterday and saw clear-as-day that I need a good psychologist. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I'm not (really) embarrassed by it, and I don't have a problem telling people. My one and only caveat is that no "shrink" comments or "nut job" jokes will be tolerated.
I am, however, seriously nervous about going. How is this going to work? How do I go about telling my story? Will the Doc say, "Okay, so why are you here?" I really hope not, because I will become uncomprehensible at that point. And thinking about this has made me realize that I need to find a psych who is totally okay dealing with a major crybaby. Because that's what I'm going to bring to the table.
Anyway, I have spent a major portion of the morning online trying to find a psychologist. There are, I dunno, 3 gazillion listings for them in the yellow pages. How the Hell am I supposed to narrow that down? So I jumped online in hopes that there would be some sort of referral service - i.e. 1-800-Dentist. Yeah. Apparently, psychologists are WAY too sophisticated for that type of nonsense.
I did a little digging and came up with three potential winners. All of them are women (I don't know if a male could or would put up with my potential for major crying). I called today and am waiting to schedule an appointment. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it is a Psychologist Cardinal Rule that no one actually answer the phone at the office. Patients must always leave a message and wait. (I'm beginning a movement for online scheduling or some other form of communication from the 21st century)
Okay, so feeling better that I got that ball rolling, I began browsing a totally awesome web site - http://www.divorcesource.com/. Catchy name, huh? Rhymes and everything. And like any good online business, they sell stuff. Mainly, lots of books. And lots of books containing information that I could really use. So it got me thinking (again) and at lunch, I went to the bookstore to buy out their self-help section.
Before I move forward with this story, I must mention that I love books. So upon entering the bookstore, I got a little distracted by the bargain book table. And here is where the story gets interesting...
Right away I spotted a book with a totally cutsey, girly-girl cover. Something about dating. So thinking Karma had brought that book to me, I picked it up and flipped it to the first page. Here is what it said: "Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have realized that Mr. Right is NOT out there, and you are ready to move on." What. The. Hell!?!?!? Someone actually spent hours of their life writing a book about making yourself forget about men altogether and finding other ways to get on with your life? Fuck Karma.
Moving on, I picked up the next book on the table. I flipped it over to read the Publisher's Synopsis on the back cover. And this was the first sentence: "MyName ... ." I think I may have actually thrown the book back down on the table because the lady browsing magazines beside me physically jumped and then turned around and stared at me. I was gonna say something really funny like that the book had given me a righteous electric shock or, "Please excuse my Turrets." But I didn't. It's just not that kind of day.
But oddly enough, I decide to buy that last book. And it's prequel. I like books whose main character has the same first name as me, and besides, I want to see how her therapy turns out.
In case you're wondering, I did make it over to the divorce/family/self-help section. Unfortunately, there were not a lot of options to choose from. Just a couple that I thought applied to me. One of which I bought. There were, however, lots of books on sex - but that is THE LAST thing I want to read about right now.
I also bought four other books, a calendar, and some kid stuff. One of my cardinal rules is that Retail Therapy is the Best Therapy. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Tomorrow I will fill you in on the reading material and update you on my Psych search.
I am, however, seriously nervous about going. How is this going to work? How do I go about telling my story? Will the Doc say, "Okay, so why are you here?" I really hope not, because I will become uncomprehensible at that point. And thinking about this has made me realize that I need to find a psych who is totally okay dealing with a major crybaby. Because that's what I'm going to bring to the table.
Anyway, I have spent a major portion of the morning online trying to find a psychologist. There are, I dunno, 3 gazillion listings for them in the yellow pages. How the Hell am I supposed to narrow that down? So I jumped online in hopes that there would be some sort of referral service - i.e. 1-800-Dentist. Yeah. Apparently, psychologists are WAY too sophisticated for that type of nonsense.
I did a little digging and came up with three potential winners. All of them are women (I don't know if a male could or would put up with my potential for major crying). I called today and am waiting to schedule an appointment. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it is a Psychologist Cardinal Rule that no one actually answer the phone at the office. Patients must always leave a message and wait. (I'm beginning a movement for online scheduling or some other form of communication from the 21st century)
Okay, so feeling better that I got that ball rolling, I began browsing a totally awesome web site - http://www.divorcesource.com/. Catchy name, huh? Rhymes and everything. And like any good online business, they sell stuff. Mainly, lots of books. And lots of books containing information that I could really use. So it got me thinking (again) and at lunch, I went to the bookstore to buy out their self-help section.
Before I move forward with this story, I must mention that I love books. So upon entering the bookstore, I got a little distracted by the bargain book table. And here is where the story gets interesting...
Right away I spotted a book with a totally cutsey, girly-girl cover. Something about dating. So thinking Karma had brought that book to me, I picked it up and flipped it to the first page. Here is what it said: "Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have realized that Mr. Right is NOT out there, and you are ready to move on." What. The. Hell!?!?!? Someone actually spent hours of their life writing a book about making yourself forget about men altogether and finding other ways to get on with your life? Fuck Karma.
Moving on, I picked up the next book on the table. I flipped it over to read the Publisher's Synopsis on the back cover. And this was the first sentence: "MyName ... ." I think I may have actually thrown the book back down on the table because the lady browsing magazines beside me physically jumped and then turned around and stared at me. I was gonna say something really funny like that the book had given me a righteous electric shock or, "Please excuse my Turrets." But I didn't. It's just not that kind of day.
But oddly enough, I decide to buy that last book. And it's prequel. I like books whose main character has the same first name as me, and besides, I want to see how her therapy turns out.
In case you're wondering, I did make it over to the divorce/family/self-help section. Unfortunately, there were not a lot of options to choose from. Just a couple that I thought applied to me. One of which I bought. There were, however, lots of books on sex - but that is THE LAST thing I want to read about right now.
I also bought four other books, a calendar, and some kid stuff. One of my cardinal rules is that Retail Therapy is the Best Therapy. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Tomorrow I will fill you in on the reading material and update you on my Psych search.
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