Someday

My friend, G, was over at my house last night. We were sitting on my front porch while all the kids ran around the front, back, and side yards, chasing each other and tackling each other while screaming and shreiking. And eating chocolate chip cookies. Ever want to be in elementary school again?!

Us moms were relaxing and enjoying the return of the killer mosquitos. Gina was cracking me up because, first of all, when she came over, she made the trek across the lawn with a bonus-sized can of OFF! in her hand. She wielded that thing like a weapon. Even funnier was the way she would pump about 12 sprays at the menacing maniacs while never once breaking stride in her conversation. It was really funny!

Anyway. She gave me the nicest compliment about yesterday's blog post. She was telling me how it was so obvious how much I truly love MG. And by the way it was written, she could see the true, deep feelings I have for him. That it was beautiful and almost made her cry.

Well, needless to say, my head immediately swelled WAY up! That made me feel so good because, not only is that WAY true, but it was such a huge compliment and it really meant a lot to me.

As I was writing that entry yesterday, I was thinking about how much I really do love MG. Add to the fact that I was looking at and/or talking to him most of the time I was writing, and you can see why the feelings were so strong. After she said that to me, I was very proud that those feelings came through in my writing. So this morning, I re-read the post - with an outside perspective, trying to read the post as everyone else out there would read it.

And I was actually under-whelmed. I don't know why. I think it's because I KNOW that there are lots more things I can say and lots of other details I can give you. It didn't seem like it came across as strongly as I had intended. So I'm thinking I should give it a little bit of a re-do.

G said she especially liked the part about the hug he gave me when he first walked in the door. I cannot find the words to describe exactly what that felt like. I want to say that it felt like fire. Like he was on fire, I was on fire, we were on fire. The warmth of his body literally enveloped me. It was highly-anticipated, much-needed, hot, warm, sincere, sexy, and slow. Yes, slow. Like, you could see and feel the intent behind it. He held me there in his arms for a long time. He held me tightly. I felt very safe and secure and the emotions were intense. Yes, he has done this before. A lot, actually. And I love it every time. He usually kisses my forehead and rubs my back while he's doing it. Of course, I return every ounce of affection... But sometimes I just like to put my head against his chest or place my face in his neck and just breathe it all in. If only I could stop time in those moments...

Moving on (and omitting a large chunk of time in between), I also mentioned that we spent some time just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. I got to lie in his arms and put my head on his chest for the longest time. I could have died right there and been okay with it. I loved it and have wanted to do that for the longest time, but I can't describe what it felt like to actually be in that moment. It felt so perfect it is indescribable. We talked as he caressed my back and shoulder. And kissed my forehead a couple of times. I memorized every single freckle on his stomach, and enjoyed the contour of his rib cage. While all of that was going on, he told me the cutest stories. All I could think about was how much I loved being there with him and how much I love him. It goes down to the core of my being and feels so comfortable it's scary.

This was all so wonderful that I'm still reliving it on Friday. And probably will for quite some time. But, as you know, we have our share of ups and downs, just like everyone else. And because of the situation, we often have extra hurdles to overcome.

For example, it is REALLY HARD during those times when I have to leave him and go my separate way. Most of the time when that happens, we give each other the saddest, yet sweetest looks. And a little piece of my heart breaks every time. It's hard, and upsetting, and frustrating. Walking away from someone you love or watching that someone walk away from you is excruciating.

We even have a line for it which he uses on me at the ends of our dates. It goes like this:

MG: (as he is kissing me goodnight) Nudge me in the morning for breakfast?
Me: I would love to.
MG: Someday.
Me: Someday. Definitely, someday. (another kiss goodbye, heart breaking)

I think that kind of sums it all up. I love him deeply and truly with all of my heart. In a way I really didn't think was possible.

I think we are both trying to figure stuff out here. We started to talk about it once. As he said, he is a planner, and needs to plan things out. All I know is how much I love him and how perfect it is when we are together. In fact, most of the time it feels like I'm living in a dream.

The good news is that I am a firm believer that dreams really do come true...

Someday.