I've Just Witnessed a Trainwreck and I Can't Stop Staring...

He didn't call that night. I didn't expect to hear from him over the weekend, which was good, because I didn't. But Saturday afternoon I had a long conversation with his sister during which she filled me in on the details of what happened over July 4. All the ugly stuff. And she scared the bejeezus out of me by telling me how scared I should be of the ex-wife. After that, I was very scared for New Guy's well-being and state-of-mind.



I was looking forward to Monday when he would call and fill me in on the details of his weekend.

Let me add a plot twist here. On Monday, I went with Kelly and New Guy's sister to a water park with all the kids. It was a great day, really. I actually met his mom and sat in the living room of the house in which he grew up. Taking it all in. She is very much like him - she is outgoing and talkative, very Type A. And they have the same eyes. I was instructed before arriving that she didn't know about us and was not to find out. Now I didn't know before I got there that I would be there first and would have the potential for this one-on-one conversation. But whatever. I seriously loved talking to her. Turns out she already knew about me. And since neither one of us said anything, I think we both felt like we had missed an opportunity there.



He didn't call Monday night either. I sat back and did nothing until Tuesday around lunchtime, when he didn't answer his phone and I left a message. He didn't call me back. I started to freak major. He didn't call Wednesday. He didn't call Thursday. At this point, I am seriously worried. Not about us. But about him. I knew this had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with the stuff with the ex-wife. Everyone kept trying to reassure me of that. Everything was perfect when I last saw him. Nothing bad had happened between us. Hell, we were making plans to go away together. And knowing all the stuff with the other situation, I knew it had everything to do with that. On Thursday night I left a message saying that I was worried about him and I understood all the stuff that was going on. And I ended by saying that I was here for him if he wanted to talk about it.



He didn't call on Friday, either. It just so happened that Friday morning, I was in his area running some errands. I knew he was at work. I called and left a message saying I was in his area and was wondering if he wanted to go to lunch, and it was such a rambling message that by the end, I was pulling into the parking lot and I would just come ask him in person.



He met me in the parking lot. He didn't seem upset to me. He explained what I already knew. He was having a really bad time right now with the ex. He was completely out of sorts. He hadn't talked to anybody all week. Not his parents. Not his friends. Not his coworkers, etc. He said he was sorry that he hadn't called me back. He had picked up the phone a couple of times, but he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to make me thing it was me, but knew he couldn't shake his attitude and thought I would take it personally (he's probably right). He told me no less than a dozen times not to take it personally. That he loves spending time with me and that I've been really supportive and great. I could see the pain he was going through. And trust me, the situation is bad. No doubt about it. It was hard for me to listen to him talk about it - which we did for half an hour.



I really didn't and still don't take it personally. He said to be patient and give him a few days to get through this. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me good-bye. And I am still waiting to hear from him.



In the meantime, I spent the whole weekend pretty much alone. Definitely missing New Guy. I was also very upset because I know what he's going through. And I'm more than a little worried about him. Kelly saw him at a family birthday party on Saturday and said he was still very out-of-sorts. Very upset. So I know he is still having a hard time. And it's killing me that I can't be there for him.



But over the weekend, I stayed busy. I took the kids to the pool Saturday, then went out with my friend P. Went went to a couple of hot spots and tried our best to have fun. Don't get me wrong, we definitely did have fun. I will write about that later. But it wasn't the same. And Sunday, I spent most of my time alone. I did a lot of thinking and a lot of evaluating. And reality did a number on me. All of a sudden, I felt very alone. The stuff I hadn't yet dealt with from my divorce hit me like a ton of bricks.



I didn't expect this. I imagine it's normal, but I have no clue how to deal with it. I have shed a lot of tears over the past few days. And my friends are concerned. They have every reason to be. I'm pretty concerned, too. So it feels like my life is a trainwreck and I can't quit staring at it. Now I have to figure out how to move past this...