Breaking Point...

Okay, so yesterday I decided while I was laying in bed at 11:30 a.m. that I need counseling. I don't suppose this is a surprise to you guys, but it was a total shocker to me. Nonetheless, I woke up yesterday and saw clear-as-day that I need a good psychologist. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I'm not (really) embarrassed by it, and I don't have a problem telling people. My one and only caveat is that no "shrink" comments or "nut job" jokes will be tolerated.



I am, however, seriously nervous about going. How is this going to work? How do I go about telling my story? Will the Doc say, "Okay, so why are you here?" I really hope not, because I will become uncomprehensible at that point. And thinking about this has made me realize that I need to find a psych who is totally okay dealing with a major crybaby. Because that's what I'm going to bring to the table.



Anyway, I have spent a major portion of the morning online trying to find a psychologist. There are, I dunno, 3 gazillion listings for them in the yellow pages. How the Hell am I supposed to narrow that down? So I jumped online in hopes that there would be some sort of referral service - i.e. 1-800-Dentist. Yeah. Apparently, psychologists are WAY too sophisticated for that type of nonsense.



I did a little digging and came up with three potential winners. All of them are women (I don't know if a male could or would put up with my potential for major crying). I called today and am waiting to schedule an appointment. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it is a Psychologist Cardinal Rule that no one actually answer the phone at the office. Patients must always leave a message and wait. (I'm beginning a movement for online scheduling or some other form of communication from the 21st century)



Okay, so feeling better that I got that ball rolling, I began browsing a totally awesome web site - http://www.divorcesource.com/. Catchy name, huh? Rhymes and everything. And like any good online business, they sell stuff. Mainly, lots of books. And lots of books containing information that I could really use. So it got me thinking (again) and at lunch, I went to the bookstore to buy out their self-help section.



Before I move forward with this story, I must mention that I love books. So upon entering the bookstore, I got a little distracted by the bargain book table. And here is where the story gets interesting...



Right away I spotted a book with a totally cutsey, girly-girl cover. Something about dating. So thinking Karma had brought that book to me, I picked it up and flipped it to the first page. Here is what it said: "Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have realized that Mr. Right is NOT out there, and you are ready to move on." What. The. Hell!?!?!? Someone actually spent hours of their life writing a book about making yourself forget about men altogether and finding other ways to get on with your life? Fuck Karma.



Moving on, I picked up the next book on the table. I flipped it over to read the Publisher's Synopsis on the back cover. And this was the first sentence: "MyName ... ." I think I may have actually thrown the book back down on the table because the lady browsing magazines beside me physically jumped and then turned around and stared at me. I was gonna say something really funny like that the book had given me a righteous electric shock or, "Please excuse my Turrets." But I didn't. It's just not that kind of day.



But oddly enough, I decide to buy that last book. And it's prequel. I like books whose main character has the same first name as me, and besides, I want to see how her therapy turns out.



In case you're wondering, I did make it over to the divorce/family/self-help section. Unfortunately, there were not a lot of options to choose from. Just a couple that I thought applied to me. One of which I bought. There were, however, lots of books on sex - but that is THE LAST thing I want to read about right now.



I also bought four other books, a calendar, and some kid stuff. One of my cardinal rules is that Retail Therapy is the Best Therapy. Learn it. Live it. Love it.



Tomorrow I will fill you in on the reading material and update you on my Psych search.