Thursday

Yep. That's the title of my post. It is brief yet accurate. Understated and simple. Actually, I'm just not feeling very creative today. A direct result of getting up at 3 in the morning.

First, please let me apologize for the crazy stuff that happened with my previous three posts. In my rush to get everyone caught up, I posted the entries out of order. "Breaking Point" should have been the most recent entry. And I also realize that I started typing a sentence in there and then forgot to finish it... Something about taking a phone call or doing actual "job" work or something. So this is what I should have said... The second book I picked up in the bookstore had the following sentence on the back cover: "Getting out of the mental hospital wasn't all MyName hoped it would be." So, see now why it scared the pants off of me? I also forgot to even mention that one of the other books I picked up contained the following quote: "You don't begin to live until you've lost everything." Funny stuff, huh? More like a cruel joke.

Anyway, a million thanks to all of you reading this for NOT calling and/or emailing me to point out my mistakes. I see you have all realized the vulnerable state I'm in right now. I'm taking it as a sign of true love.

Moving on...

I made an appointment with the aforementioned psychologist. I will be paying $175/hour for the first session and $120/hour for each additional session. So the way I see it is that she is planning on bleeding me dry so that all of my other problems don't seem so bad. All I can say is she better be damn good.

If you haven't already guessed, I still haven't talked to New Guy. And I just can't even begin to talk about it right now. Every time I even sorta thought about it yesterday, I cried. Even in public. So to make sure I don't have to think about it, I've been filling my time with various other activities.

On Tuesday, I went to work out with P. I had quite a different workout experience than I am used to. She totally sees the gym as a social experiment. I'm all about being social. I love it, actually. So this worked out well for me. I'm just not used to scoping out guys while I'm drenched in sweat or panting on the elliptical machine. But whatever. She also made me do 300 stomach crunches. Not in a row. But still - 300! We had tons of fun people-watching. The only bad part was that the majority of the male gym-goers that day were 50+ years old. Come to think of it, that may be why we spent so much time working on our abs. And laughing. The laughing was good, too.

After the gym, Kelly and I took all the kids to my oldest son's baseball all-star game, where he got a really cool award. We ate some hot dogs, fed the kids some candy, let them get dirty, socialized a little, then went home.

And then a funny thing happened. I got a late night phone call from my boss. Ah, the boss. I have yet to write about him. Probably because he's complex. That - and I'm just not sure what I want to say. In fact, he most likely deserves his very own post. So for now, I will leave it to your imagination.

But anyway, the phone call. He actually called me Monday night, too. He is worried about me. More precisely, he thought I was mad at him for something. So we had a long discussion during which I gave him the vague details of what's going on with me right now. We talked about it more in-depth on Tuesday morning. And Tuesday afternoon. And then I got the phone call at 10 p.m.

He was on his way home from golf league. He was thinking about me. Wanted to make sure I was okay before I went to bed. We had "normal" everyday conversation in there, too. He is very sweet. Yes, I know what you're thinking. I'm not quite sure what is going on here, either. But to tell you the truth, it made me feel a lot better. And it gave me something to ponder.

Wednesday, we talked again. All was good. Then Kelly came to go to lunch with me and do some shopping. We tried to check out Hot Guess Guy, but he wasn't working - again. So we bought jeans instead. And then I went back to work. At the end of the day, I walked out to the parking lot with my boss where we continued our discussion from before. We talked about how his brother is coming into town for the next few days and made plans to go to breakfast early Monday morning so I could meet him. And he gave me another pep talk before we left. He will be out of town for the rest of the week, so I guess this was just meant to get me through. But he also asked me to call him Thursday morning.

So here we are at Thursday morning. I was gonna call him around lunchtime. But I got the first text message at 9:24 a.m. And we've been back and forth since then. So whatever is going on here, I don't understand. That is because neither one of us has ever had enough guts to be very clear about it. Oh, yeah - he's married, too. Therein lies the problem. That, and I'm way into New Guy. But the thing is that New Guy is temporarily out of the picture, and The Boss is way hot and looks like Rob Estes and is sweet, and even though I realize he's married, he actually checks up on me and confides in me and gets me, and...see the problem???

But backing up to last night, I want to mention that I spent the entire afternoon/evening/night at home alone with the kids. None of us went anywhere. That's very unusual, especially ever since I've hit this Go! Go! Go! stride. You all know how much I HATE being alone. And I define being "alone" as not being in a group of people or not being at someone else's house or not being "out and about." I didn't even go to the gym yesterday. I stayed home and read books. And I was very conscious of my alone-dom during that time. In fact, I was quite miserable by 8 p.m. Especially because it rained. Obviously, being "alone" didn't kill me or anything. But it SUCKED nonetheless. And I'm currently thinking about things to do tonight so it doesn't happen again. And I'm also trying to talk myself out of calling New Guy. We'll see how that goes.

Thursday is shaping up to be a very interesting day.