Da Man

It is time to introduce you to Da Man.

Da Man is my friend and neighbor. He lives two houses down from me. I've known him for only a few years. He's unlike most dudes in that he is actually interested in what us girls are up to. He always laughs at our stupid girly stories and makes us crack up laughing at times when we want to cry. He does sweet things for us, like bringing us Gatorade when we make the lap around to his house during our nightly walks. Yep. We love him.

Da Man loves to flirt and is quite successful at making women swoon. He's an expert joke-teller and makes a mean crab quesadilla. He's great at girl-talk and knows just the right parts to get excited about.

Please allow me to mention that there is a Mrs. Da Man in the picture. So that he doesn't come across as some kind of pervert hermit who preys on the neighborhood ladies. He's just the neighborhood husband that everybody secretly covets. We all, at one time or another, wanted our hubby to be like Da Man.

We love Mrs. Da Man (hereinafter referred to as Da Woman), too. She feeds us and hangs with us and tells us like it is. Well, that last part is not necessarily a good thing, but whatever.

We all love to spend nights at Da Man's house enjoying not-so-skillfully concocted pitchers of alcoholic beverages. And eating kilos of popcorn, freshly popped from the school's popcorn machine (being as Da Woman works at the school and is PTA President, things like this occasionally find their way to her house).

It's also worth stating that Da Man doesn't go around grabbing our asses or anything - only The Puppetmaster does that. But Da Man is very charming. Like he could absolutely charm the pants off a skinned raccoon. He could commit bank robbery and get away with it. I mean, he would just be like, "What, officers? Oh, was this THEIR money? Sorry - don't know what I was doin' there. My bad. flashes smile How 'bout a beer? manly-man arm slap" And he WOULD SO TOTALLY GET AWAY WITH IT.

Da Man is so freakin' hilarious that it makes you want to like kiss him or something. I dunno. What an oddly weird thought I just had there. THANK GOD he doesn't read this!

Last weekend, all of us went to Da Man's house for a little get-together. Da Woman popped popcorn for all the kids in the aforementioned felonious school popcorn popper and we stuck them in the basement with the projection TV. The adults journeyed out to the deck to enjoy some cocktails and engage in enlightening and profound conversation.

Yeah. Not so much. But we did just kinda relax and hang. And we all snuggled under multiple layers of blankets, because even though it was a blazin' 62 degrees, it felt like 38. We even had a large, philosophical discussion about the temperature and an ensuing debate on what the actual temp might be. To the point where, competitive souls that we all are, we stated our temperature range, then called two different time & temperature numbers to determine the winner. The winner, dammit, was The Puppetmaster, who unfortunately takes people prisoner whenever he is right about something. And then gloats until the rest of us vomit.

Anyway. The point is that we had a heck of a lot of fun. But what happens when you put together a bunch of friends, a bunch of cocktails, and warm snugly blankets is that everyone starts getting all emotional and caring, and then they begin speaking their minds.

Da Man asked me for an update on my love life, big huge spectacle that it is. So we started talking. And talking. And then we did some more talking. Just he and I - a true heart-to-heart convo.

He said it was clear how much I love MG. And he is happy for me that I found that - he's known for a while that I have wanted to be exactly where I am right now. He is also glad to see me rid of The Ex. He saw first-hand what an ass he was and knows what an ass he continues to be to this day.

I told him that I oftentimes worry about us and what might happen to us in the end (see the Someday conversation). That losing him would be THE MOST PAINFUL thing that could EVER happen to me. EVER.

Da Man reassured me that, it's obvious MG cares about me and we have something real between us. That, yes, there might be a time or a situation that causes things to fall apart, just as it could for any relationship, but that I should not worry. And I definitely should not let that worrying get in the way of enjoying what we have right now. Because that could likely cause me to shoot myself in the foot. He sees my position as a no-lose situation. That I have the upper-hand here.

Now - that said, the way he went about explaining this to me took us to places of extreme complexity. Alcohol tends to do that to people. The way he explained it was by saying:

"Let's say you're afraid of roller coasters, but you have the opportunity to go to Six Flags. It's a great place and somewhere you always wanted to go, but you were always too afraid to let yourself have that experience.

But this time, you go anyway. And you go ahead and ride the big ride. You are terrified while you are standing in line. You think about nothing but the things that can go wrong. I mean, sure, you could die. The coaster cars could come to a screeching halt. Lightning could strike. You could have a heart attack. Any number of things - none of which are likely. But once you're on the ride, you LOVE it. You stop worrying. It's way better than you ever imagined. And after the ride ends, all you want to do is get back on.

So, you realize what a great thing you were missing out on, right? And you want to continue riding the ride over and over again. It is one of the most amazing experiences of your life.

And even if that ride ends and you can no longer ride it, it was still well worth the experience it gave you. And now you know that the next time you are presented with an amazing ride, you will let yourself participate, because you know it will bring you much joy.

And, finally, his wish for me is that, when I find THE RIDE, the one I want to ride for the rest of my life, it is the one..."

This is the point where he stopped talking for just a second and I snapped out of my dazed confusion. Because it suddenly all clicked and I got what he was saying. Then we both said, at the exact same time...

"...it is the one with the shortest line."

So, Da Man is freakin' Einstein. Seriously! Wasn't that a great analogy? Either he had been thinking about that for a very long time, or whatever he was drinking was filled with liquid genius.

I hope he knows that even though I cried I was not upset by anything he said. I pretty much cry at the drop of a hat. And I cry equally as much over happy things as I do over sad stuff. Heck, I cried once just because someone told me I looked really nice. And sometimes it's a hormone thing.

I also hope Da Man knows how much I appreciate his friendship and his good advice. I know he only wants the best for me, just as he does for the other people in his life. He is a sweet, sweet dude. I value his friendship greatly!

So here's to Da Man, roller coasters, my love life, great friends, and short lines!