Flirtatious

For some reason I am feeling very flirtatious and confident today. Maybe it's all the rain (yes, I live in the Amazon Rainforest). But anyway, I'm not talking about the kind of "flirtatious" that is cute and uneventful or slyly daring. I am talking about full-on, out there, goal-oriented flirtation. Which, may surprise you, is NOT my style. I am a waiter. I always wait on the guy to start something. I may eye him and all, but I'm not verbally proactive in the flirting. Once given the open door, it's game on.

But the monsoons have brought about a change in me. I recently decided that I should take the bull by its horns (NO pun intended) and start taking an active role in this thing.

I think it was brought on the other day (Saturday, and, YES, I am going to blog about that ...I didn't forget!). Kelly and I spent the entire day shopping. And, oh, the shopping we did. If there was an Amazing Race for shopping, we would SO kick the competition's ass!!! And, hey, I'm still technically spending the Ex's money, so that doubled the pleasure!

I won't elaborate on the shopping now, except to say that we were hit on a few times. Sorta. Like in a cowardly "guy" way of flirting. Only one of the guys sticks out in my mind as being even remotely interesting. The guy who sold me my new furniture (yep, spent LOTS of money). The furniture store guys were fairly obvious about their flirting. And, of course, the old, cheesy guy (you know, the one who didn't stand a chance) was the most "out there." Anyway, we had a kinda cute conversation with my salesman, Sean. We talked about the fact that I had over 30 beers in my fridge (from the whole BA thing Friday night) and they offered to come over and help us drink them. I remember Kelly playing into this with a professionalism not often seen with the naked eye. But anyway, on the way out, after mentioning the beer for about the 71st time, I casually said, "Well, Sean has my address, so..." Topped off with an evil smile, a slow turn, and the two of us walking out.

When we got to the car, I commented that I thought Sean was super cute. Kelly was like, "Well - Hello, Stupid! He was so flirting with you and hitting on you." WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME? She says I am oblivious to it. I suppose that may be true, but I tend to think that guys are too vague. Are they scared? What is up with this? If a guy wants to flirt with me, I need him to be way more obvious. I mean, just say it like it is...I don't mind. In fact, I like it. Just ask MG.

And so I've concluded that the male species is nothing but a collective bunch of chicken shits! Such forcing my decision to be a proactive flirter. Which led me to do what I did today at lunch.

Surprise, surprise, I went to the mall. HEY - I had a RETURN today, okay? Plus, MG is out of town and I miss him. I had just finished a phone call with him right before I left for lunch, and I was sad.

I must insert a quick story here - I went to the mall on Monday, too. I was walking by Ticknor's when the salesguy glanced my way, thus giving me goosebumps and temporarily stopping my heart. He. Is. Cute! (Not as cute as Hot Guess Guy (who is never available!) and no where near as hot as MG) I did the slow walk-by, as we both gave each other the stare. We even did the little smile thing. Then I went into Ann Taylor and went about my business.

So, today, as I'm (again) walking into Ann Taylor, I stroll by Ticknor's - only to notice that Cute Guy is working again. And we kinda did the look again...only this time, I made my walk-by shorter to make it a little less obvious.

While I was shopping, however, I remembered my notion about being Miss Proactive Flirter and began conjuring up ways to go in there. (Wouldn't have been as difficult if it weren't a men's store!)

I decide that my premise for shopping there is going to be that I am shopping for a birthday gift for my brother-in-law.

I entered the store and began browsing the Tommy Bahama sale at the very front of the store. I acted all cool and non-chalant, and waited for Cute Guy to approach. Which he did. And, OMG!!!! He is Beautiful-Cute up close like that! And, he's really confident and a smartass! Oh, could he get any better?!?!?!?!?!? He asked me about who I was shopping for and offered to go through the store with me so we could pick the right gift! We had a total blast. Like it took us 45 minutes. He laid all the outfits out on a table and we joked and laughed and he made little comments... Then at one point, after questioning if a shirt would be big enough for my brother-in-law (the one having the fake birthday!), Cute Guy says, how is he built in comparison to, say, me? I totally said, "Well, he's bigger than you. But that's because he's not in as good a shape as you are." Yeahhhhhhhh, boy! That's what I said.

And as I am enjoying feeling very proud of myself for that, Cute Guy says, "Well, here. Let me try it on for you so you can see it on me." And, luck of all luck, he tries it on for me right there. Of course, I proceed to tell him how great it looks. Then the other sales guy comes over and says, "Hey, if you want a better looking model...just let me know." Cute Guy goes, "Yeah. I doubt that." And I go, "Yep. Me, too. I like the one I have."

Okay - stop right here for a second. Who is proud of me for that, huh???? I am all of sudden a championship flirter, people! Woo-hoo!

Then, this is how the conversation continues:

Cute Guy: "So, what are you doing with the rest of your day?"
Me: "Gee, I don't know really."
CG: "Well, do you have anymore shopping to do?"
Me: "No, I'll be finished after I'm done here. But I'm starving, so I going to have to get some lunch pretty soon."
CG: Smirky grin "Well, do you have anyone else to buy for? I mean, like your dad or a boyfriend, or whatever."
Me: "No, I don't have any of those. Well, I have a dad, but not the other." Yes - this was a stupid comment, I know. Not something a championship flirter would say.
CG: "Ohhhhh, okay then."

We wrap up the shopping and head on over to checkout. Then he tells me his name and shakes my hand. And we talk about that for quite a while. He even tells me his middle name. He asks me what I do and where I work, and oddly enough, if my parents are tall. I say that, yes, in fact they kinda are. But that I have 2 1/2 inch heels on, too, so I'm really only 5'10.

Then round two of the lunch conversation:

CG: "So, you really don't know what you're doing for the rest of the day? Do you have to go back to work?"
Me: "No, I don't. (I did, but just stay with me here.) I still really need to get some lunch." (sidenote: I've found that guys LOVE girls who actually eat and who enjoy eating.)
CG: "Have you ever been to Claddaugh's Pub? They have great food...and drinks."
Me: "I have been to Claddaugh's. It's great. I know what you mean about the drinks. I love the Irish Lemonade."
CG: "I've never had that. Sounds like a girly drink. I like beer - do you drink beer?"
Me: "Yeah. I do drink beer. But I'm going with the Irish Lemonade. ...but I don't really want to go there all by myself, so maybe that will have to wait."
CG: "If I didn't have to work, I would SO go have lunch and drinks with you."
Me: "Oh yeah? That would be really nice.

After that, I think we just kinda wrapped up our transaction and stuff. My mind is a little fuzzy here because I was also busy paying for my $175 bill!!! Then he said:

CG: "Well. You'll have to stop back in here again."
Me: "I will. You and I need to go have lunch. And I am going to get you to try a Lemonade."
CG: "Well...maybe I will just have a few drinks of yours. Stop back in and we'll definitely do that."

THAT. WAS. FUN. OMG! I can't tell you how cute that guy was. And, like, I'm seriously planning on going back in there for lunch...Only this time, I'm not going to spend $175!

Dillard - I know your birthday is in May and all, but you might be getting a (really, really nice) early Christmas delivery - K? Who's your favorite sister-in-law???